[April Masini, your AskApril]

Tell her you made a mistake and that the offer to shelter her is off the table. Make it a clean and clear message. There are several reasons for this:

First of all if she’s living in your house it’s going to be harder to be “just friends” and that’s what you need to do right now. Be her friend — but just her friend. Not her roommate, landlord or savior.

Second of all, you need to have an uncomplicated friendship with her. That means sitting on your hands when you want to volunteer and closing your mouth when you’re about to offer help other than listening, as [b]katielee[/b] wisely suggested.

Third of all, her baby deserves a father and a mother, and if you give her too much help, she will be less likely to look to the baby’s father for the help he is responsible for and entitled to pitch in with. Don’t take up space that belongs to him.

Fourth, listen hard to what [b]katielee[/b] wrote about her own experience as a single, teenage mother. It’s only when you’re alone that you learn to mature and get strong. If you keep rescuing your friend, she’ll never learn to stand on her own two feet. It sounds like she has a history of making some mistakes and she needs to feel them in order to want to correct them. Self esteem starts when you take care of yourself.

I hope that helps. I know it’s going to feel cruel to tell her she can’t live with you, but it’s important that you don’t put out offers that seem kind at first glance, but actually do more harm in the long run than you thought they might.

Let me know how it goes — and of course 😉 — follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter, and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].