I’m REALLY glad you’re finally deciding to find a woman who is Ms. Right. It was very hard to watch you writing here over and over and then to me on Facebook over and over trying to get me to tell you that this Ms. Wrong was somehow going to work out for you. Everybody finds out what they need to find out eventually. But for some people, “eventually” can be years. I’m glad you finally have made that next step on your own. 🙂
Your anxiety and obsessive behavior may be helped by a professional or with medication, but you can also practice “being in the moment” and allowing yourself — or forcing yourself — to stay in the anxiety without acting. The obsessive behavior comes when your anxiety becomes so overwhelming you feel you have to do something (like writing me multiple times a day 😉 ) and you start acting incessantly or obsessively. On your own slow down your brain and when you feel uncomfortable, PAUSE. Recognize the discomfort. Analyze it. Tell yourself what you feel physically, emotionally, mentally. Ask yourself what will happen if you do nothing. Then practice doing nothing. Notice how you feel — and recognize that you’re not going to die from this feeling. Let it pass naturally and see how long it takes. If you continue to do this, the obsessive behavior WILL abate.
This is a lot harder to do than it sounds, but it WILL help you with this underlying relationship issue.
I hope that helps, Rusty. You deserve to be relaxed and happy in a relationship — go for it!! 😀
April Masini, your AskApril