[Rusty]

I have dated this girl for four months. Three weeks ago she blocked me from Facebook and said her reason was that she doesn’t want to look at my page and see other girls commenting or liking my status and then missing me and wanting to see me. I was upset but she also said she needs time to get help and fix things in her life such as counseling for an eating disorder, being stressed from losing her job and moving home. We have texted everyday since we met but I haven’t seen her in three weeks. She says she needs time to take care of her life and doesn’t want to date anymore. I was giving her time and only texting her back when she texted me. Last weekend I asked to see her and she said she had stuff to do Thursday and Friday but maybe could see her Saturday and if no then Sunday. Saturday came and she said she didn’t want to see me and when i asked about Sunday she said doesn’t think she will see me then either. I told her i was confused and asked if she still wanted to see me. She said she doent think she wants to see me anymore and hasn’t missed me lately and needs time alone.  I don’t think she missed me cause she knew I was there and always texted her back. She said she doesn’t like herself right now and doesn’t see how anyone else could and says she is not worthwhile and has nothing to offer. I told her she is worthwhile to me and that I missed her and still wanted to be wig her which she doesn’t understand why. I told her I would be there for her and that just because things aren’t going well for her right now it doesn’t change how I feel about her. I then told her that I am getting rid of texting and that all of my texts would be blocked and that I won’t be able to send any either. She said she had a block on texting in the past and said she didn’t have it on anymore because of me and then said so I guess we won’t be staying in contact. I told her it wasn’t her and that I had been receiving alot of unwanted texts from email and stuff and so that’s why I am blocking it and that if she ever wanted to talk she could call me and that I could call her but she never answers the phone so just told her to call me if she wanted to talk amd the she said “oh okay” and then i texted or you can always unblock me from facebook and we can mesaage there amf told her i miss her and hope to here from her eiter way, and nothing was texted back after that. The reason I made up this whole text thing was becasue she hasn’t missed me and I am tired of getting on or two texts a day saying how is your day or hope u have a good day. She just wants to maintain a text contact it seems. I had asked her some questions via text and got no response also. I wrote down all my questions to ask her if she calls. I did call her later in the night and left a message saying I hope you had a good day and would like to talk to her and said give me a call back tonight or this week sometime and that was yesterday. I got no call back after a couple hours and called once more and in a frustrated voice left a voice mail saying, not sure why you can’t return my call and not sure if your on a date or not but if you can’t take five minutes to return my call then whatever and I hung up. I haven’t gotten a call today and our four month anniversarry is tomorrow and she knows I wanted to see her for that cause I told her days ago I was looking forward to our anniversary. I don’t plan on calling her tomorrow BUT Friday is her birthday and I bought her a nice turquoise necklace and want to give it to her. A week ago I told her I wanted to see her for her birthday and she said she doesn’t have plans and we should be able to get together. I don’t plan on calling her this week and want to wait 2 weeks before I call her to just say hi if I haven’t heard from her. Should I call her on her birthday to just say happy birthday and ask her when I can give her present to her. I love her but not sure what to do.  Any suggestions as to what I should do or how long I should wait to contact her would be helpful. Most websites say 3 weeks and then call her if she hasn’t called me but the birthday thing this Friday makes me wonder what to do. She needs time to get her life straight and get counseling and build her self confidence and time to miss me and I think the whole texting thing being over will help. What do you think about this whole situation???

[Ask April Masini]

In response to your very last question, I think you’re chasing a woman [i]who is not available[/i] to you and is making it very clear. It doesn’t really matter how long you wait to contact her because all of your recent attempts have been shot down, and she’s very clear that she has major stress in her life from an active eating disorder, a job loss and a move back home. She is not in a position to be dating and I’m not sure why you don’t get that. 😕

Let go. She needs to get healthy before she can date you or anyone. She knows it. Now it’s your turn to get the picture. Focus on yourself — not her — and if you want to date, date other women who ARE available and want you to call them and take them out.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go. And please join me on Facebook. Here’s the link for that site: [url][/url].

[Rusty]

Should I call her on her birthday and say happy birthday and I miss you or just say happy birthday or don’t call?

[Ask April Masini]

Don’t call. She’s not available to you and if you keep putting yourself out there, you’re going to keep getting hurt. She has to get her life together and she knows it and has told you so. Listen to her and respect what she’s doing. Back off and let this relationship go. 🙁

And hey — thanks for joining me on Facebook! It’s great to talk to you there, too. 🙂

[Rusty]

I couldn’t help myself and texted her today and told her that I removed the text block and asked her to call me. She did call and I asked her these quesions:
told her I missed her, she said she misses me also!!
Asked if she met, dated or saw another guy: she said no
asked if she still really likes me alot like she did when we met: she said yes
asked if she still wants to continue to date me and see me: and she said yes
asked if when I can see her: she said maybe thurs or sat
I asked her how school and counseling was also and she said good and we talked a little about that.
I told her that I had never been through anything like this and felt I wasn’t doing a good job of giving her time and she said I had been very patient with her.
Also asked her when she would unblock me from Facebook: she said sometime she would but didn’t say when
the only thing I am concerned about is seeing her. Alot of times I get anxious and ask the day may be getting together and then she sometimes says she can’t see me that day. What should I do about this situation? Should I not ask and wait for her to let me know if we are getting together or not? Should I text her sometimes or always wait for her to text me then respond?

[Rusty]

We are texting now but not sure if me texting her is good

[Ask April Masini]

Your anxiety is not going to help you. I hope you can muster up some self control and stop acting so impulsively. If you can just stay in the moment even if it’s uncomfortable, you’re going to do a lot better with women than if you’re asking her if she likes you, wants to date you, etc. Women want a man who is confident and when you show your fear, you’re not giving her the strength she’s looking for in a guy.

In response to your question and in keeping with this theme, you should give her a time and a date, and ask her if that works for her so you have a date in place, and you don’t have to keep texting her because you’re scared of losing contact.

I hope that helps!

😀

[Rusty]

I really only wanted to ask those questions so that I know where we satnd and try not to ask them frequently. My problem I that I have an obsessive problem and it’s hard to stay in the moment. I did ask her for a day an time we can see each other and she said maybe thursday or Saturday. I hate maybes and I really don’t want to hear her say no. So when the day comes for us to go out should I not even mention it and wait for her to tell me if we are going out or not?
Another thing is that we text so much and have everyday but two since we met four months ago ( the first day was when i told her not to text me until she unblocked me from facebook and then two days later told her I was being selfish and was sorry) and the other day was last Monday when I told her i was blocking texts due to too many texts from my email which wasn’t true but wanted her to calle lol. If I don’t text her back sometimes in the past she has accused me of ignoring her and we both agreed to never ignore each other no matter what.
Thanks for your help!!
Any more insight??

[Ask April Masini]

I’m glad you recognize that you have a problem with obsessing. I hope you’ll give this problem the attention it deserves. You’re going to drive people away with the obsessive contact and the need to know because of the fear of not knowing and losing out. 😕 It is the opposite of confidence and confidence is what attracts women.

If she says Thursday or Saturday are great for a date, then you say, “Saturday is perfect. I’ll pick you up at 8 o’clock. See you then!” And that’s it.

It’s simple. Don’t make the relationship about YOUR problems. Make it about the time you spend getting to know each other and becoming close.

Please get Date Out of Your League and READ IT!! This book will help you so that you don’t have to obsess over how to behave with women. The tips, advise and even rules are all in here. Here’s the link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. Buy it today!

I hope that helps! 🙂

[Rusty]

I dated this girl for four months update
she texted a guy while on a date with me a month ago and lied anout it but admitted to the lie the next day. I messaged the guy last Friday and told him that I was dating her and he said he had been dating her for almost a year. She found out I messaged him and got mad. I called her a lying cheating fat whore slut out of anger and other bad things. Later we spoke and I apologized and said i said those things out of anger and would never do it again. She said she only dated that guy a few months and wasn’t seeing him anymore. He told me to tell him what was going on and I then messaged him saying I was having sex with her for four months. He then removed her from his myspace and she deleted her Facebook and myspace and blocked my phone calls texts but added me on yahoo instant messaenger. I tried telling her the last couple days I was sorry and said those things out of anger but she won’t forgive me and never wants to talk to me again. Will she ever forgive me and allow me back into her life?

[Ask April Masini]

Hey Rusty! Got your Facebook messages and here I am!! 😀

I’m really glad you attached this question to your string of posts because it helps me and other readers who may chime in with their always very helpful advice 🙂 to see more of the whole picture.

Unfortunately, in addition to my prior advice to you that this woman isn’t really available for you for what you want, which is a monogamous, meaningful relationship, you figured it out on your own, but then called her: “a lying cheating fat whore slut”. 😯 Throwing “fat” in that string of insults was especially meant to hurt her since you mentioned she has an eating disorder she’s dealing with. 🙄 It’s understandable that that outburst put you in a bad light with her to say the least. 😕 I think I warned you specifically that if you keep putting yourself out there for this woman you’re going to get hurt. Well, buckle up, cowboy! 🙁

She is who she is, and you’re trying to get her to be someone she’s not. It won’t work. Clearly, she was cheating on you with this other guy and this other guy with you, but it was asking for chaos and drama when you started talking to this other guy and trying to claim her as your territory when clearly she hasn’t shown loyalty to you during the entire four months. She’s playing the field and trying to keep her guys away from each other. Try and understand who she is.

She’s now told you she doesn’t ever want to talk to you again, but you’re still trying to get her back. My advice, again, is to move on. This isn’t someone who wants to be in a healthy relationship with you. That said THERE ARE WOMEN OUT THERE WHO DO AND WILL WANT YOU!! Find one of them instead and allow yourself to be happy in a relationship instead of sabotaging your happiness by choosing a woman who is unavailable, incompatible and uninterested.

I hope that helps! And I KNOW I’ll hear from you on Facebook [url][/url] if you need me! 😉

[lesterkiwi]

Listen mate,
Youve been getting great advice from April, but youre not listening. Right now you dont need dating advice, you need counseling. You have some serious self esteem issues. Who gives a damn if this girl forgives you. She should be asking for your forgiveness for lying to you and the other guy. At least he had the self respect to cut her out of his life. The only reason she LET you back into her life is because YOU let her walk all over you.
Until you get some self respect you will always be on this, or some other advice site, asking why your current girl is treating you like crap, and what can you do to get her to give you more of it.
Wise up and stop being so pathetic. I dont mean to be harsh…..well actually i do…. you need to hear it.
Get some professional help. I sincerely hope you do. Good luck.

[Ask April Masini]

Rusty, I’ve answered your questions over and over, but as [b]lesterkiwi[/b] says, you’re not taking my advice. I’m not sure how to help you any more except to tell you MOVE ON. She’s not for you. That’s my advice. And I like what [b]lesterkiwi[/b] wrote to you — I hope you’ll hear it (and my advice) in the spirit in which it was meant: to help YOU.

[Rusty]

Thanks for the help. I really appreciate it. I am moving on. I deserve to be treated better and not like a door Matt or lied to. I have already met several woman. I am going to get counseling for being obsessive but i hate when women give me their number and say they wanna go out and don’t text back

[Ask April Masini]

I’m REALLY glad you’re finally deciding to find a woman who is Ms. Right. It was very hard to watch you writing here over and over and then to me on Facebook over and over trying to get me to tell you that this Ms. Wrong was somehow going to work out for you. Everybody finds out what they need to find out eventually. But for some people, “eventually” can be years. I’m glad you finally have made that next step on your own. 🙂

Your anxiety and obsessive behavior may be helped by a professional or with medication, but you can also practice “being in the moment” and allowing yourself — or forcing yourself — to stay in the anxiety without acting. The obsessive behavior comes when your anxiety becomes so overwhelming you feel you have to do something (like writing me multiple times a day 😉 ) and you start acting incessantly or obsessively. On your own slow down your brain and when you feel uncomfortable, PAUSE. Recognize the discomfort. Analyze it. Tell yourself what you feel physically, emotionally, mentally. Ask yourself what will happen if you do nothing. Then practice doing nothing. Notice how you feel — and recognize that you’re not going to die from this feeling. Let it pass naturally and see how long it takes. If you continue to do this, the obsessive behavior WILL abate.

This is a lot harder to do than it sounds, but it WILL help you with this underlying relationship issue.

I hope that helps, Rusty. You deserve to be relaxed and happy in a relationship — go for it!! 😀

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