My boyfriend and I are both active duty military. We met in training, and we liked each other, but he graduated 6 months before me. He said we could stay in contact and remain friends, but he blocked me on social media when I reached out to him. A few months after that, he unblocked me, but didn’t contact me. I was confused, and didn’t know what happened, but since he blocked me before, I left him alone. I found out that I was going to be stationed at the same place, and we have mutual friends here that I wanted to see when I arrived. The first night, I awkwardly ran into him, and didn’t know what to say at all. This went on for about a month, until my friend made lunch plans for the three of us. My friend overslept, but my boyfriend still wanted to go, and that ended up being our first date.
After seeing each other a couple of times, I asked if we were going to make things exclusive, or if it was going to be a more casual thing. He said “labels make things complicated.” Which I was fine with, but then he said “I’m not seeing anyone else, so I guess we can make this official.”
In the beginning, of course, things were exciting and new, but he also showed signs of being a total jerk occasionally. I would try to talk about things I liked, and if he didn’t it wasn’t just “I’m not into that” it was always a full critical review of why that thing wasn’t good, or cool. He would make jokes about my tastes in music, and I used to tell him if he hurt my feelings, but he would make me feel bad by saying things like “I guess we wont have any fun today.”
We do enjoy a lot of the same things, but the things I like that he doesn’t, it’s miserable. Even if he doesn’t mean to, he can make me feel so small.
He had a car for the first 3 or 4 months of our relationship, but he only made the 20 minute drive once. I would ask him to come over, but he “Likes his room better”.
His car completely died after that, and he would say things like “I’ll get a new car and I’ll drive us around, and come over” but he never worked on getting a new car. When I asked him about it, he said “Are you getting sick of driving me around?” It really wouldn’t be so bad, but he doesn’t offer any gas money, and I drive 40 minutes (total trip time) minimum every time we hang out, not including where we go eat, or see movies, etc.
I went on a trip to Florida to go to Universal with one of my best friends, and when I came back I told him about how the Wizarding World was perfect in every way, and he seemed totally apathetic, even though he likes Harry Potter as well. He said “If it’s not realistic enough, then it’s not perfect, and I’d probably just be pissed the whole time.”
I took him out of town to meet up with my mom, and he barely said a word, and she didn’t know what to say, so on the way back he described her as an unpleasant woman…
I took him to a party to meet some friends from work, and we ended up fighting for over an hour because one of the guests hugged me(I’m awkward with hugs) and said “Oh, sorry, I don’t know how people like to be touched.” My boyfriend thought that this was his way of hitting on me, and was affronted that I let it happen in front of him. The host’s wife had drank wayyy too much and was loud and then started puking. My boyfriend doesn’t have the patience for people who cant handle their liquor, and he was rude to both her and the host for the rest of the night.
The sex has always been rare… I used to ask for it, but it made me feel self conscious after a while, so I stopped. He would say he wasn’t in the mood, but would still want blowjobs, and I’ve stopped doing that too. There is never any foreplay, and when we actually go at it I’m either on top or he is completely crushing me with his weight and we just awkwardly bounce around for a while before he pulls out and just says “I’m sorry, I can’t.” Every… Time.
And, almost done, I’ve only seen him actually drunk twice. The first time, he was very sweet, and lovey dovey. The second time, he tried to start a fight with a random guy downtown, he tried to smash someone’s pumpkin, and tried to kick over a road barrier in an alley. It was 4:30 PM… I started crying and I told him I didn’t like him like that, and I didn’t understand why he was being so crazy. All he said was that it was no big deal, that nobody cared, and it was his default… The morning I went on leave a few days later, I asked him about it, and he didn’t even remember doing any of it. While I was on leave, I didn’t hear from him unless I contacted him first. I called him on Thanksgiving and every response he gave me was one worded, and very monotone.
But when I got back from leave, about 5 weeks ago, I was ready to walk away, I even have a crush on a guy, but I haven’t been doing anything about it.. But, yea, Icame back, and he’s been wanting to see me, and go out and he’s been so much sweeter, in general. The sex thing is still an issue, but.. He’s almost a different person…
I felt like I couldn’t share my life outside of our day to day dating thing, I cant bring him around my friends and family without feeling nervous, but he’s been so nice and I’ve been making all these lists, and asking people what to do… I know I’m the only person that can decide where to go from here, but I am so stumped, and I’ve never been this confused about wether or not to end a relationship in my life.