[Simon]

Hey!
I need to explain everything clearly because these things have become very difficult for me, and I don’t want you to give me any advice without understanding the whole situation.
I love a woman who is five years older than me. What I feel with her isn’t drama or infatuation – it feels stable and peaceful like real adult love., and there is a maturity in her personality that is not found in any ordinary girl.
She is divorced and has three children. As a good friend, she has been nothing but loyal and loving to me.
We are both serious about each other and love each other very much, and want to get married.
The problem is not the relationship, but my family’s reaction to it.
My mother saw her with me a few days ago, and she really dislikes her. She thinks that if I marry her, my life will be ruined. But I love her very much, and she gives me peace, but my mother doesn’t understand this.
My mother was constantly crying and saying that I was destroying the family and that they only lived for me, but I love my parents very much. I didn’t understand what to do. I listened to my mother and ended the relationship with her.
When I broke up with this girl, she was very upset, but I was also very worried. I didn’t want to lose my parents. I stopped contacting her for a while.
I couldn’t find peace, so I contacted her again.
I feel trapped right now between two queens I care deeply about, my mother and my girlfriend. No matter which way I go, someone gets hurt. I don’t know what to do. I’m emotionally exhausted.
I need your emotional support because I don’t know what to do.
I am very badly stuck. On one side is true love, and on the other side is the stubbornness of my own people. I don’t know whether to be a good son or a good boyfriend
AskApril Please give me expert advice and tell me what I should do.

[Mia Monita]

First of all, I just want to ask if you are in the legal age right now? And if YES, then you have the rights to decide on your own, especially the girl you’re going to marry and planning to spend the rest of your life. Follow your heart and explain to your mother that you’re not a child anymore to listen on what she want and what she doesn’t want for you. You can obey and respect your mother, and at the same time making decisions for your own future.

[Freya Jhon]

Life is yours, not your mother’s. Meeting a mature woman is no less than a lottery. She knows your soul and your body, too. If with her you get that fire and peace that no one else has, then you should shoot the world.
Your mother is temporarily angry; she will recover on her own. If you listen to her and leave her to her, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Be a man, take a stand, and claim your queen.

[Lamine]

In Psychology we call what your mother did emotional coercion. From your profile picture you look like you’re old enough to individually decide whom to date. But you are struggling to differentiate your own self from your family(according to Bowen’s Framework), and this will always be a problem in any relationship you find yourself, even when it is supported by your mother.

You should be able to help your mother see your point, and let her know she really has no choice. You’re old enough to make decisions on your and live with the consequences if they turn out wrong. As long as you and your girlfriend wouldn’t be living in the same home with your mother, 9it really doesn’t matter if your mother like her or not.

[Member]

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