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"April Masini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."

12 years later!

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  • July 10, 2012 at 8:21 pm #5358
    karmap0lice
    Member #176,207

    Hi there,

    I know the answer here seems obvious, but seeing as to how I’ve struggled with this for 12 years, perhaps it’s not that easy.

    In a nutshell… I dated a 28 year old man (we’ll call him TV) when I was 20. TV and I hit it off and connected quite deeply. We never had sex and only fooled around occassionally. The few months we had were just a lot of conversations and quality time. Well.. it turned out TV had a pregnant girlfriend that he was with for 8 years and I was his escape on the side. We broke it off eventually.

    Flash forward 12 years later… I am now 32 and he is 40. We keep in touch every 3-4 years, just a phone call here or a visit there. Nothing too serious, with the exception of a make-out session when I was 22 and we got drunk. Right now, I have been married for 5 years (to a man I met right after TV and I broke it off) and TV is still with the same girl and 2 kids.

    His last contact with me was last week. He sent a song he wrote and played for me (he sent me the recording) about how he can never say goodbye. I immediately emailed him and said we have to cut off contact FOR GOOD. He agreed.. but now I feel numb. What to do, what to do? I feel like I lost a big part of my past, but I really don’t want any more of my feelings for him to affect my marriage or his family. He has said before that I am the 100% perfect girl for him, but our timing has never been right. I have to agree, but I really need to stop dwelling on what could have been.

    July 11, 2012 at 10:48 am #24296
    April Masini, your AskApril
    Keymaster

    Let me help you remember who TV really is: [i]You once dated a guy with whom you connected deeply — only he didn’t tell you that he was cheating on you and on his pregnant girlfriend of eight years the entire time. His name is TV.
    [/i]

    Pause.

    Re-read that description.

    And again.

    Let it sink in.

    Now, imagine that your daughter came to you and said the same thing to you: “Mom, I’m dating this guy, and I really love him, but I just found out he’s got a pregnant girlfriend that he’s been with for eight years and he’s been cheating on both of us the whole time.

    Got it?

    Now go shopping, buy some great lingerie, go to the beauty salon and have everything done, schedule a date with your husband that’s really special — whatever that means to you — champagne and the symphony or a picnic in the park and a couple of beers — and enjoy the wise choice you made. Focus on making your marriage hot again — it’s very normal for a long term relationship to ebb, but when it does, it’s time for you to reignite the spark. You’ve got a good man who’s made an honest commitment to you — celebrate. 😉

    [b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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    [/b]

    July 12, 2012 at 7:54 pm #24858
    karmap0lice
    Member #176,207

    Thank you – good perspective. Sometimes it is easy to get lost in the memories of the good times and lose the reality that he WAS and IS a cheater!

    July 13, 2012 at 5:20 pm #24437
    April Masini, your AskApril
    Keymaster

    You’re very welcome! 😀

    [b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
    [url][/url][/b]

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"April Masini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."

April Masini