Hey, I’m a 20 year old female and my boyfriend has just turned 24. We’ve been together about 3 months. When we met, we just clicked straight away, even all our friends noticed how well we worked considering how little time we’d known each other. We both agreed to take things slowly, not rush into a relationship, etc, but we couldn’t help but keep seeing each other and we grew so close so quick that we just ended up falling into a relationship 2 weeks later. We’d both not so long come out of relationships (both of us being COMPLETELY over the previous relationships. Mine ended because the relationship was an awful mess and wasn’t right from the start, his ended because they were so different and had nothing in common and didn’t really connect etc) so we both had our guards up (me more than him due to the fact I was treated very badly in my last relationship). So, the first 3 months have been great, except for the last few days… We went to London together (it was his birthday and I had an audition for something down there). The Saturday was great, but on Sunday he was a completely different person. I confronted him about it and he said it was because he was tired. Now, I’m the sort of person to believe you can only be miserable if you have something to be miserable about. But I’ve learned over the years I am one of few people who are like that. So I tried to understand him and continue the day. But then he kept saying things that have stuck in my head and I can’t work out if I’m being silly for being upset about them or if it’s normal to think into these things the way I do. I tried to cheer him up, but he just said “let me moan”. Then I said “be happy” and tried to give him a kiss, and he just said “being happy is too much effort”. Now, I look at that as, it’s not effort for me to be happy when I’m around him. I’m naturally happy when I’m around him because that’s how he makes me feel. The weekend before London, we went for a night out, and he got pretty drunk (I was a little tipsy) and he said to me “I think I like you more when I’m drunk”. I didn’t know how to take this. It upset me, but then I thought I can’t expect him to feel too much for me right now because it’s soon in the relationship, but I did think it was hurtful to hear that. Another thing that bothers me (in my previous relationship, I was compared to his ex a lot in a bad way. He’d tell me how good SHE was compared to ME) so I’m very touchy around that subject. I explained to my current boyfriend that I feel uncomfortable around the subject and he seemed understanding. But then he said he wanted to talk about it because he thought it was healthy. So he carried on (I was concerned about the fact I’d gained a little weight- I’m not fat but I had gained weight, and he asked how much I weighed. I told him, and he came back with “my ex is 6 stone”. At first I took that really bad and got extremely upset, but then he said he said it to make me feel better because he thought 6 stone was way too skinny). But anyway, he carried on, and I got upset about it again (I can’t help it, it’s like if you stick your hand in boiling water, you can’t stop it from burning). This time he said to me that he’d stop, because he doesn’t feel the need to talk about her anymore anyway. I know for a FACT that he is over her, that’s not what I’m worried about in this situation. They still talk a little bit on the internet, and I’m fine with that. But he still brings her up, but he refers to her as “this girl I knew” (I know he’s talking about her because he’s told me the same stories before but with her in the sentence) What bothers me is the concept- why does he do it when he knows I don’t like it? If he said to me “I don’t like toast. I don’t like the word toast. I’d rather not think about toast”, despite the fact I find that weird and I think there’s nothing wrong with toast, I would make sure I didn’t bring up toast around him, because I don’t like to see him upset and I love making him happy. ALSO, he was showing me a picture on his phone, and as he was scrolling through, there were loads of pictures of women in underwear etc (which he then admitted to “using” as if nothing was wrong with it). I know it’s normal for guys to like that sort of thing, but the thought of my boyfriend fantasizing about being with other (more attractive) women really upsets me. I find all of these traits very unattractive and have only recently been exposed to them and if this is what he was like all the time then I’d leave. But his other side is perfect for me. He’s fun, we go out and hang out together all the time, he surprises me with meals out, he knew I wanted my ears pierced, so he took me to get those done, he texts me every day when he wakes up to say good morning and every night to say goodnight, he sends me random texts saying he misses me, he compliments me and this side of him is just amazing. But what do I do about the other side of him? I don’t expect him to change and I wouldn’t try to change him, I just get so confused when someone is so nice to me yet can say things so harsh. Help!