Hi April
I am a 31 year old woman who has been marries for 7 years. The past month my relationship took a turn for the worse. My husband travels alot for work. In Sept of this yr, he traveled 4 weeks in a row, M- F. Around the third week, my gut started to tell me something wasn’t right. We have always had a close relationship, yes we fought, but mostly it was outside factors(his daughter mother) or communication issues but that third week he came home and totally ignored and avoided me all weekend. I was 8 weeks pregnant( we had been trying for 9 mths for our second child together. I knew something was up because being pregnant and having your husband travel and not even miss you when he came home, just isn’t right. He left again for a week and i decided to confront him while he was away because i couldnt wait another week wondering whatthe he k was going on with us all of a sudden. Was it the baby? Was it me? Was there someone else? We fought his 4th wk of travel and even decided to separate.
Fastforward, it was all of thee above! After igot him to talk to me, he pretty much said, he didn’t want another baby, he wanted to focus on his work and he was unsure of us. I was devastated. He’s always been a family man. He’s always loved me. Now I’m pregnant and I felt like I was loosing everything. I was faced with making a horrific decision and I ended my pregnancy 🙁 to focus on us. We have been in Counceling, and we both agreed to focus on us. Two days after I lost the baby, I began to become suspicious of phone calls he was making late at night for work. I decided to look at our phone records and I found over 200 text messages between him and a co-worker he was traveling with that “third week”. He spent over 25 hrs on the phone with her! I confronted him asking whose number this was, he lied at first and then told me it was a female co worker he was talking to about our relationship because she was going through a difficult time in her marriage. I found phone calls that were an hour
and a half long, text messages at 1 am, 2 am, over 40 times of communication in one day. Yes it was the week we were fighting and separated( separated meaning he was living in a different bedroom in our house) but I was so hurt he turned to her and could talk to her but not me. I was furious A’s a matter of a fact! He saidthey were just friends but feelings may have started to grow but it was never something they both expressed to each other. He said he ended his friendship with her the second he told our councelor he was talking-to her and she said it wasn’t a good idea because when your going through a difficult time, if there’s an open door( such as her) you may walk through that door instead of dealing with the situation. But I was still hurt and Didn’t trust him. His lack of communication has made me not trust him. I feel he hides things because he knows it will hurt me. I’m sick of finding things out on my own and confronting him.
Fastforward: after all this, he had a break through, he realized he did want me, our relationship, was willing to work on things and communicate. Our councilor made it clear in order for things to work, he needed to be open and upfront about everything…. It was great for about two weeks. Until he just went away again and guess who was there? Yep her! I’m not looking for a min. By min update when he’s away but all I ask is if he goes out at night for work with work people, and she’s there, he let’s me know, maybe tells me how his night was if she was there or if they talked. I know he has said he closed the door on her, but e still works with her…. And tgis is still very fresh to me. I dont want to be a parrot on his shoulder knowing every move but for know, to gain trust back, our councelor, he and myself agreed he needs to undertand where i am at. Of course ge comes home fom this last. Trip and we talk and I once again have to ask if ge was with her…. Yes, they all went to a after party, a groups of 8-10 and she was one of them. I asked if he talked to her, he said yes, was vague, but said he had to if they were next to each other and others walk away. I’m just so sick of asking, worri g and fighting for my marriage. I’m so sick of the lack communication from him. How do I move on? Trust him again while he travels and she’s present? How to I get him to talk? I m so hurt by everything, I don’t know where to start! 🙁 please help!