[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is a great guy but his family is like a black hole! When we started dating, he was running over to their house every day to do chores or babysit his nephew; he was at his parents beck and call. He toned it down a bit when I started to get irritated when he would be late meeting me or cancel plans because they called. Then we moved in together 3 towns away from his parents and they became super needy again and angry because he moved TOO FAR AWAY! It has been almost a year living together and he still gets multiple calls every day, sometimes at 8AM on a Saturday morning! If he doesn’t answer, they will just call and call and call. He is over there constantly at lunchbreak and many evenings after work doing chores and “hanging out”. This is the neediest family I have ever seen and it’s driving me crazy! I have explained to him many times that I think this behavior is totally unreasonable for a man in his mid-20s and suggest that if he misses mommy and daddy so much that he should just move back in with them. He swears he will “cut the cord” but every other week it’s the same thing again. Am I overreacting about this and should I be grateful for a man with close family ties or am I justified in wondering what the heck is wrong with this weird unhealthy codependent behavior? Is it time to send him packing back to the nest?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re looking at this the wrong way. Instead of seeing his family as needy, I suggest you see your [i]boyfriend [/i]as needy of his family. He’s not going to cut the cord after a year of living with you and still spending so much time with them and allowing for their daily multiple calls. He is the one you’re having the problem with — not the family. They could be martians on crack, but if he didn’t run over there every five minutes it wouldn’t affect your relationship. 😆 He is who he is, and whether it’s dysfunctional or not is less important than the fact that the two of you are not compatible. In-laws and family problems like the one you’re describing can become the catalyst for divorce in marriage (if you two have a child this is only going to get more intense and worse) so save yourself the time and trouble of investing in the wrong guy. Break up and find a man who’s family life is more compatible with yours. But next time, PAY ATTENTION TO THE SIGNALS [b]BEFORE[/b] you move in with him or date him for so long. You could have seen this one coming, but since you didn’t, so watch out next time for this issue in your relationship life.

[Member]

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