[Anonymous]

This is a long story. I will try to keep it brief. I was married to my High School sweet heart at 17 yrs old.We have three children. We have been married for 28 years now. My job requires extensive travel. The past 14 years have been hell for me.Our sex life has gone from Hot sex ever chance we had when I was home to once every eleven months. In all the years I have never cheated when I had opportunities to do so.One only night out of fantasy I joined a web site for swingers. I had forgotten all about this site until I received a email from a married couple inviting me to their house. After putting them off a few times and explaining why I had joined the site. They assured me that the meet was just for friendship first. Lonely for any type of companionship I went. The three of us quickly became close friends. Eventually I joined them in there bedroom and with the husbands permission (his Idea) I have been with just his several times. The problem is while I still love my wife and always will even if this marriage fails. My wife seems to hate having sex with me. She refuses to do any thing during sex except lay on her back.Will not in any do oral.(She was not always this way) This other woman does anything and every thing. To me this woman gives mind blowing sex. There is no place I cannot enter her. I wish to save my marriage but need a fun exciting sex life. I should tell you my wife was raised in a religious house hold and has been throwing all her energy into her church lately (the past ten yrs) Where I believe she learned that sex is nasty and represses her true feelings.I have thought of trying to get her to try the swinger lifestyle. Thinking maybe she needs to try something different to spark up things in our bedroom. I just dont know. Any ideas are welcome. Judgments are not.

[Ask April Masini]

Swinging is not a good option to heal your marriage. If you put the word swinging into the search box at the top right corner of this page and read about other peoples’ experiences, you may see that this is not judgment — it’s experience. So while you may have found a way to avoid your marital problems by getting involved with another couple, if you tell your wife about this foray you’ve had or even suggest she join in, you’re going to end in a divorce. Again, I’m not judging you, but I am advising you. Your marriage was a vow between two people and once you start suggesting multiple participants in your sex life, you run the risk of divorce.

Also, I don’t think your wife’s religion has anything to do with your lack of sex in marriage since you admit that you had a great sex life with hot sex in the beginning of your marriage, so I’d drop the church as a reason for your problems.

Since you’ve been married for 28 years and half of them have been great and half “hell”, my suggestion is to attempt to open communication with your wife about your lack of sex in the bedroom. Clearly, you are BOTH responsible for letting your sex life drop to an annual romp. The first place to start, if you are interested in your marriage at all, is with your wife. Don’t blame her or back her into a corner — trust me, she’s aware of the problem, and she doesn’t like the lack of sex either, but she’s thrown herself into church as a way of avoiding the problem. Ask her how she feels about your lack of a sex life, and listen to her answer. Tell her that you miss having sex with her, and tell her about all the things you used to do together that were hot for you. You may stoke the fires just by opening up that channel of communication.

The important thing — and I’m trying to underline this so you remember — is not to blame her for anything. Instead, encourage her. Start seeing her as sexual. Start acting sexual around her. My guess is you may have let yourself go over the years, and she may be more interested if you spiffed up your appearance a little and started asking her out on date nights, flirting with her and making her feel sexually important.

And while I don’t think lies are good, in this case, I think you should not tell her about your swinging. It’s a non-starter. And stop doing it while you work on your relationship with your wife.

I hope this helps — let me know how things go. 🙂

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