[outforfun]

I was set up on a blind date 4 weeks ago. When I first me the guy, I wasn’t attracted to him and didn’t think we would have much in common. I am 26 and he is 37, divorced with 2 small children. We ended up having a nice time and I went home. I got a text from him saying he had a great time. He text me the next day asking me to come out again. I declind and didn’t want to look too available. Again the next morning he text me what he was doing and asked me out for the next night. I agreed to go to a movie and dinner with him. The next day came and he brought me flowers and we went out and had a nice time. Again I wasn’t convinced that I could see myself with him but he did lean in for a kiss and I declind at that moment. He sent me another text saying he had a nice time with me and wanted to see me again.

Monday he send me text telling me to have a great day. That Tuesday (2 days later) he asked me to come over to his place and watch a movie. I decided I would give it another shot. I showed up at his place and we watched a movie and snuggled on the couch. At the end of the night he kissed me and I kissed him back. It was really sweet and I went home happy. I decided that I did want to pursue him more. He told me to text me when i got home and always says good night in the text.

Now brings me to where I am today. We have gone out on 3 more dates since this so 6 in total. He will text me every once in a while and we have talked on the phone twice. His texts usually are asking me how I am and how my day is going. One text last week i said i was wonderful and asked him how he was and he said great thanks to you. That prior weekend he text me fri and sat (didn’t have the boys) and it made me happy because i didn’t text him first. I love attention and I know I am an insecure person. I love to know that I am thought about and want to be in his life.

He has his kids every other week. When we see eachother its when the kids have gone to bed or when he doesn’t have them. It’s difficult but I am willing to put in the effort. So what I am trying to figure out is what is going on in his head. I text him last Wednesday as we had plans on Thursday to meet up. He never text back that Wed night. He did have his kids. Thursday came and i talked to him a little during the day via text. Our date was set for 730 but he had a work function going on and it was 830 I text him if he was still coming. he said if you want me to. I said yes. He shows up at 9:30. We were sitting on the couch and he never kissed me when he got there. We got up to show him something and we went to the bed room which we had sex. We have had sex from date 4 to date 6 so 3 times. He said after we were done that he had to go because it was 1030 and he travels 40 min back home. which i understood as it was a long day for him. he kissed me and said please don’t feel like i’m having sex with you and just leaving. fine fine. understood. We have great conversation and he smiles a ton when he is with me and likes to touch me. But this night was different.

Friday came and i sent him a text telling him to have a great day. he said you too. that was in the Am. that was the last i heard from him until sunday which I text him and said how are you. I didn’t hear from him at all. which i knew he had his kids but i hate that. immediately after i text him he called me. we talked for maybe 5 min and i asked him what he was doing this week as he didn’t have kids. he said he was busy with meetings and such. i asked him about doing something and he said he could tues wed fri. i said not monday which is usually our day to hang out and he siad no he had meetings. i said ok wednesday works better for me. and he said ok i’ll let you know with boyscouts. And that was the end of the conversation.

i feel so vulnerable. AND i read your book date like a man. i made him chase me and he was great at the beginning wanting to be with me and sending me the nicest texts and now that i feel like i held off so much that it pushed him away. i hate playing games and that’s what i feel like i’m doing. if i text him it’s wrong, if i ask him to do something it’s wrong. but then he thinks that i don’t like him? i hate this. This morning i text him to have a great day which is something that i usually do and he never responded. basically you’re going to tell me that he’s not interested any more? I”m confused because he still shows some interest but not as much as before. do i just need to move on even though i feel like i like this guy a lot already?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all it sounds like you have some reservations dating a single parent who has custody of his children. You should figure out if this is for you or not because it will be a deal breaker. If you’re feeling annoyed or jealous or negative in any way that he’s putting his kids first, you might want to reconsider dating a single parent. It’s a relationship that, by nature, is a lot more complicated than a relationship you’ll have with a man who’s not a parent.

Second, it doesn’t sound like the feelings are growing here. I don’t think it’s necessarily a problem with “game playing” as much as it is not necessarily a good match. Consider that before you write off giving him something to chase (it works!).

Third, you should keep your options open in case things don’t work out, which often happens. Not everyone you meet is going to be compatible, so don’t put all your eggs in one basket just yet. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[outforfun]

No reservations. I knew going into the date that he had kids and that he is a very active parent. What I do expect is for him to also think of me when he is with them and it would be nice to have a text or a short call. Although it’s not needed right now after 6 dates. I’ve just picked up that he is talks to me more when he’s not with them and then goes MIA when he is with them.

When you say that it sounds like there are no feelings, are you saying on my part or his? When he is with me he is so touchy feely and loves to be around me. It’s when we are not together that it get distant. The conversation can some times feel forced. So this whole weekend I didn’t text him because I wanted him to chase me but in the end I feel like he was tired of always having to text me first and make the first move because I NEVER would text him first or call him first. In a sense I could see that being an issue. I do like him and love spending time with him but I hate feeling vulnerable and insecure. Possibly and most likely I am over thinking the situation but I know in past posts you say that if you’re thinking somethings wrong then there probably is.

Lastly, I am keeping my options open and am willing to still date other guys. In the last 4 weeks, this has never come up to go out with anyone else. I try to stay busy as possible and make my schedule full but since I want to see him I will change my schedule to see him or be around him. Since it’s not that often we can get together with his schedule and the kids. Is seeing a person 2 times a week too much? I haven’t dated but 2 other guys so dating is still new to me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

After your last post I got a more fleshed out picture of what’s going on, and now it seems like he is into you — but that he’s just busy with his kids, that’s all. I’m not sure how old they are, or how often he sees them, but he may not see them that much and feels guilty, so he’s when he’s with them he’s REALLY with them. Or…. he might have a contentious relationship with his ex who is very sensitive to his being on the phone when he’s supposed to be with the kids — or the kids may even have complained in the past that he’s on the phone instead of paying attention to them. I’m not sure if any or none of these are right but they’re all possible scenarios. My advice is not to press for a text from him when he’s with his kids. It portrays you as competitive with the kids for his attention.

Also, seeing someone twice a week isn’t too much — but honestly, it depends on the two people, the point where they are in the relationship and their schedules. Some women are with men who have regular emergencies in their careers, like physicians, police and firemen and others — and they might all have trouble seeing their men twice a week, so it’s just a matter of compatibility, creativity and mutual interest. 😉

[outforfun]

Well, Since last Thursday it’s been downhill and i’m not sure if this is just me being insecure or what. Maybe you can touch base on this for me as I have mentioned a little already.

He came over later on Thrusday beause of work. We were chatting and had a nice hour together and he left. Friday morning we text a couple back and forth saying have a nice day. Friday and Saturday he had his kids and didn’t text me at all which is kinda odd but not because I know he’s busy. Do you think I should have text him first?

Sunday came and never heard from him so I text him at night and he called me. Nice, that’s a good sign. The conversation was dull and I had to ask him what he was doing for the week to make plans instead of him asking me. I noted his conversation above and we don’t really have plans as it just kinda blew over. So yesterday morning (Monday) i text him to have a great day and he never responded at all. Not even at night. He usually will say good night or ask how my day was and I got nothing. It’s Tuesday and I don’t know if I am freaking out over nothing but this really bothers me. Do I text him again? Do i ask him about our somewhat plans for tomorrow? What if I don’t hear from him today either? He doesn’t even have his kids this week. I don’t want to be needy but he knows that I am a planner and this bothers me not knowing what the plans are to see him again.

We are also going to a wedding on Saturday and I feel like he might not want to go with me or he is going because we already made plans… Please tell me if I’m over thinking this and freaking out for no reason. It drowns my day with all of these horrible thoughts. 🙁

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Stop chasing him. 😳 If he wants to date you, he will. If he doesn’t, then you’re free to pursue other options. 😉

[outforfun]

funny, he text me this morning saying he just wants to be friends. says he feels like he’s taking time away from his kids, that he’s too busy and doesn’t have time for a girl friend. Then stated that i should find someone else to go to the wedding with because he doesn’t know if he can find a sitter…. he doesn’t even have the kids this weekend. Lame. so much for that one! But you’re right, i chased him and totally scared him away. live and learn i guess. it’s hard not to chase them when they put it out there heavy at first and as soon as you recipricate they freak out. what’s with that?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you’re confusing “reciprocating” with chasing. 😕 If you want to win a guy over, you have to give him something to chase, don’t chase him back. 😉

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