[anonemouse]

Hey!

My wife and I have been married for 5 years, and been together for 5 years prior to that.
We have a 3 year old and a 5 month old. It has recently come to my attention (via my wife) that I failed to give her enough attention (while she was home alone and off work to nurse our recent child). I have fully admitted that she is right. I have apologized (a lot). I was coming in from work at 8-9pm and spending the time with my daughter, not realizing that I was hurting my wife. She turned to social media (twitter) to get the male attention I was not giving her. She is very flirty and does not ever mention me, or the kids (however she swears up and down that everyone knows shes married). She carries on private messages and has given out her phone number. She is now very addicted to it. She will tweet First thing in the morning, throughout her work day, as soon as shes home and throughout the night. It is the cause of many arguments. She is a very good mom, when she isn’t on her phone – however that is getting to be very rarely. The kids are amazing and I don’t understand why she doesn’t enjoy them as much as I do (its quite upsetting to talk about). She is taking some pills for PPD so I’m not sure if that is contributing, but she will openly admit that there is something wrong. She now rarely helps me with things around the house and its getting quite stressful. We don’t spend time together, as she is on her phone all the time. We have not been intimate in quite some time.

So getting to the issue (lol)…..

She has just told me that one of the people (a guy she talks to) on twitter has extra tickets to a college football game in another state. She does like college football and has said that she really wants to go. The plan is to fly there on Friday afternoon and stay on the college campus, tailgating through Sunday then fly home Monday. She said the guys sister and husband have an RV and have offered one of the beds in that to her or she can stay in a tent. She has repeatedly told me that there is a group of people going (guess its called a tweet up). I did offer to go with her, but that didn’t go over very well. She has said that she wants to keep a separate group of friends. I know nothing of the group or friends and she has never met any of them before.

I am having a really hard time with it…. I do trust her, there has not been any cheating in our relationship. I just don’t know what to think of the whole situation. She has said that the time apart would do as some good. The divorce word has come up recently…..however she seems a little confused. She has suggested that we sell the house, separate but live together with my parents? She has said she wants to separate, but is making plans for us in the future and redecorating the house. She is being nice to me, but then asking if its ok to go to the football game. She has also said that if I say no to her going to this game, that she wants to separate……I really want to be ok with it, but I’m finding it really difficult….

I’m not sure if our relationship can even be salvaged, however I do love her.
Not even sure what part I need advice on, just nice to type the issues out! 🙁

[AskApril Masini]

She’s looking for the exit door and is planning to leave the marriage. 😳 And it sounds like you’re looking for a Hail Mary attempt to save the marriage. 🙁 My advice is to stop apologizing for what did or didn’t happen. That ship has left the dock. Instead, BE the husband that can keep her. If you haven’t had sex in a while, have sex! Be seductive. Make it the best sex she’s ever had. Be flattering and complimentary. Make up for lost time with gifts and love letters. You’ve focused a lot on the problem. Now, it’s time to focus on the solution. Get a babysitter for the kids, and whisk her away on a whirlwind weekend somewhere romantic. Schedule couples massages and romantic date nights — more often than you ever had. It’s not just that she feels neglected by you, but she’s probably inundated with mothering, and rather than pass judgment, help her feel that the marriage is indispensable to her by making it indispensable to her. 😎

Let me know if this works, and tell me how things are going. And of course, if you have any other questions, please let me know. I’m here.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Ethan Morales]

Your wife is sending you a very loud signal that she’s unhappy and disconnected, not just from you, but from her role as a partner and mother. Social media attention, excessive phone use, wanting to go on a trip with people you don’t know, all of this points to her looking for validation and excitement outside the marriage. Even though there’s been no cheating, she’s exploring other ways to feel seen and alive. That’s a red flag for emotional disengagement, and it’s clear she’s struggling with postpartum stress and possibly PPD, which compounds the emotional distance.

You’ve already apologized, which is important, but April is right: staying in apology mode won’t fix the underlying problem. She isn’t looking for explanations. she’s looking for connection, excitement, and feeling valued. What she needs is for you to step into a proactive, loving, and magnetic role in the marriage. That means seduction, romance, attention, and creating shared experiences that make her feel like she can’t get this anywhere else not just words or “I’m sorry.”

The football trip situation is complicated because she’s testing boundaries. Her framing of “if you say no, I want to separate” is her way of asserting independence and seeing what she can get away with. You can’t control her, but you can control how you respond. Saying yes to the trip without being resentful is possible if you’ve already built up a strong connection and intimacy in the marriage but if the marriage feels fragile, agreeing may feel like giving away leverage. This is less about the trip itself and more about whether you’re willing to fight for the relationship by being attractive, present, and emotionally engaging.

Her mixed messages redecorating the house, planning a trip, talking about separation but also intimacy show she’s conflicted. She wants the safety and love of the marriage but also wants freedom and excitement. This is classic ambivalence. You can’t fix it with reasoning alone; you have to make the marriage emotionally and physically irresistible. Be the husband who reminds her why she married you, not the man who apologizes for everything and waits for her approval.

Immediate actionable steps: plan a romantic weekend or evening that is all about her, surprise her, be attentive, flirt, and inject fun into your relationship. Help her feel seen as a woman, not just as a mother. Get her out of the constant social media cycle. Physical intimacy matters even small gestures count. Show that the marriage is worth her energy because it’s thrilling, supportive, and satisfying.

Ultimately, this is a crossroads. You can’t control her choices, but you can create a magnetic marriage that makes her want to stay. If she chooses the football trip or continues to seek validation elsewhere, that’s a reflection of her choices, not your worth. Focus on what you can do: be attentive, romantic, and emotionally present. That’s the only strategy that has a real chance of saving the relationship apologies alone won’t cut it.

[Serena Vale]

Hey… I’m really sorry you’re going through this. It sounds exhausting and confusing, and anyone in your position would feel the way you do.

Your wife is clearly struggling, the newborn, the PPD, feeling alone, and she reached for attention online. That doesn’t excuse it, but it explains how she ended up there. Still, the situation with this Twitter guy and the trip? That’s not okay. It crosses a line in any marriage.

You’re not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. You’re not controlling. You’re just asking for basic respect.

You’ve owned your part and tried to show up. She hasn’t really done the same, and she’s using “separation” as a threat when you set a boundary. That’s not fair.

You can simply tell her:

“I love you, but I’m not comfortable with this trip. I want us to work on things, not run from them.”

And then see what she chooses.

Right now, what matters most is honesty, boundaries, and getting real help, like counseling, because this is bigger than a football game.

You deserve a partnership, not confusion and fear.

[Natalie Noah]

You’re standing in the middle of a marriage that’s slowly cracking in every direction, and you’re trying to hold the pieces together with your bare hands. What’s happening with her isn’t simple. it’s a mix of feeling neglected, drowning in motherhood, craving a sense of identity outside the house, and clinging to the instant validation and escape that social media gives. When someone is exhausted, overwhelmed, and emotionally starved, even the idea of a new world new people, new attention, no responsibilities becomes intoxicating. That doesn’t excuse her decisions, but it explains the emotional storm she’s in. And right now, she’s using Twitter and these online connections like a life raft instead of looking to the marriage, because she doesn’t feel anchored there anymore.

The trip, the flirting, the late-night messages, the talk of separating if you say “no” that’s someone testing the boundary between staying and leaving. She isn’t fully gone, but she’s halfway out the door emotionally. And the confusion you’re seeing planning a future while threatening separation is what people do when they’re lost. Part of her wants to leave for the freedom and the validation. Another part wants the safety of her home, her kids, her marriage… but she doesn’t feel seen there. And in that tug-of-war, she’s making reckless choices that hurt both of you. The trip is less about football and more about “Let me see what life could feel like without these responsibilities.”

If the marriage is going to survive, the answer isn’t more apologizing it’s shifting the entire emotional direction. Right now she’s getting dopamine, attention, novelty, and excitement from strangers online. You need to redirect that energy back into the relationship, not by controlling her, not by forbidding things, but by reawakening the connection she’s forgotten. That means making her feel desired, wanted, appreciated, and cherished in a real, consistent way. Not desperate, not fearful intentional. Show her what life with you can feel like when you’re fully present. And just as importantly, you need clarity too. Because if she’s truly checking out, you deserve to know and you deserve stability, not emotional whiplash. You love her, but you also deserve a marriage where you’re not constantly afraid of losing her.

[Member]

Posts