[ComplicatedOne73]

I am married and have been seeing a married man for 3 months. I have in the past met married men/men for one time flings but this turned into something quite different. He is 7 years yournger than me. I thought when we first met that it would probably be a fling. He actually lives within 15 minutes of me. We met at his house the first time and most times since then. He is a very good lover. Our meetings turned adventurous after we opened up pretty quickly. He wanted kinky and nasty. I being willing cause I was very turned on by him and attracted to him and wanting to keep his interest obliged in whatever he wanted. So those extreme times together bonded us somewhat with boundaries that we both respect. We have also made many very intimate discoveries with one another. We have went through emotional sexual events, just because they are so mindblowing for both of us. I can honestly say I believe him when he says it is the best and I, myself can never go back to normal sex. He would not seem like the type to act like he cares but when thinkin I might end it he starts telling me he understands, but definitely wishes to continue. Our situations are similar but different. I have been married 18 yrs and have 3 nearly grown children. Im not completely unhappy at home. I don’t like the relationship I have with my husband anymore but love what we share and how hard we have worked to provide for our children and for what we have. He has been married 3 yrs (been together 8+) and has no children, and he adamantly doesn’t plan to have children. His wife is the breadwinner. I imagine this makes him feel inadequate. He admits he has become lazy and really doesn’t care about doing better. He does work 2 jobs though. She seems very selfabsorbed with her body image and things. I do not judge, this is just my opinion. I know that she is smaller than me, and has dark hair, tanned skin. She also has had a nose job and boob job since they got married. Upon hearing this I was floored, if he married her the way she was, why did she feel like she needed to do that. I probably weigh 30+ more lbs than her, I have blond hair, very light skin. I’ve had kids, so my body is far from perfect. He makes me feel perfect. Touches me and looks at me like I am a rare jewel. I have never felt the elation I feel with him. I know he does not want to leave his wife. He told me from the beginning that he loved her. I don’t feel like I can leave my marriage. My husband has always been jealous, and I believe he would not let me be happy if I was to leave him even to live by myself. I know it is wrong to continue living like this. I am on a constant emotional rollercoaster. We have managed to see one another often. We constantly email sometimes for hours. He has opened up to me about his past and his family. Even when him and his wife have disagreements or even have sex he will tell me. I don’t know what I really want to know here, maybe feedback. I told him I wanted to take a few days to think about things. Im one of those people that needs constant reassurance. He is lovin sometimes, he has spent 2 hours making it about me. Sometimes before we start or after we are done we will sit and kiss and hold one another. One time, I was getting ready to leave and we started kissing and we started getting passionate all over again. We have amazing chemistry. I know it is wrong. I just don’t know what to make of what is going on. I even think if, it was a perfect world and my husband could deal with a divorce in a civilized manner, how it would be with him. I think our personalities would clash in a lot of ways, but he is so respectful, I have told him things I do and he has started doing them. He tries to do things for me, says he wants to get back to the way he was so I can see him. I assure him I like him the way he is. Everything we share is so perfect. I just want some feedback. telling me to end it is not what i want to hear. I want to know what you think his feelings are. I think I know but I am not sure. We are on a hiatus for the next few days for the first time. I told him I would contact him and let him know what my schedule was next week. In reality I just wanted to pull away and either end it completely or find out how he felt. I have in my mind what I want to write in an email. Just give me feedback. Please do not judge me.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re both escaping your “real life” relationships within this illicit one. He’s escaping the fact that he’s impotent in his marriage (she’s the breadwinner and he’s admittedly lazy) by putting his feelings of shame in your sex life together. You’re escaping the disappointment you feel in your relationship by acting out your feelings for your husband by having sex with other men.

It’s not surprising that you describe yourself the way you do compared to his wife. He’s not having sex with you because your body is a certain way. He’s having sex with you because he feels that he can have control of this affair (you don’t demand anything and you don’t expect anything), and he doesn’t have control of his life in his marriage. When men (and women) have affairs it’s not because the other woman (or man) is more attractive. It’s because they feel that they can work their feelings out with that person instead of in their primary relationships.

I hope that’s what you want to hear and it helps you. Let me know how things go for you and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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