[DJoe1986]

I have, what I feel, is an odd and somewhat awkward situation and I would appreciate any advice you can give me. I met this girl, we’ll call her Jane, at a local college spot. She came up from an all girls school a few towns over with her friends. Me and my buddy went over and introduced ourselves and for some reason I was instantly attracted to Jane. Though I got the feeling she was kind of into me as the night went on, I found how attracted I was to her strange. There have been other girls in the past who I know were into me because they told me to my face but I didn’t feel at all the same way towards them. So basically there’s something different about her that I can’t pinpoint but whatever it is I like it.

So anyway, we played pool and had a few beers. I didn’t get as much one-on-one time with Jane as I would have liked but I got a little…enough to want some more. Then the bar/pool place was closing and I wanted badly to get her number but was too much of a wuss to do so. I left without anyway of getting in touch with her again. However, when we were outside the bar I realized my sister was still in there so I went back in and luckily Jane was still in there waiting for her friends. I went up to her, put my arm around her and said something like “that was a good time we should all hang out again!” She said “Yeah definitely look me up on facebook!” I got her full name, looked her up a few days later and friended her on facebook.

We went back and forth for about two weeks. A lot of which was me trying to get her to come back out with us. Each time I suggested she come out with us she had something to do. Fortunately, these weren’t just “I don’t want to hang with you” things she was doing. I know this because she is constantly showing up on my facebook feed with things that say “Jane is attending such and such school function”, “Jane is attending this function”, and so on. She is apparently very active on her campus.

So after a couple of weeks, between a mix of me not wanting to annoy her and the fact that finals were about to start, I stopped asking her to come out with us and didn’t have much contact with her. Finals had ended and, since this was my last semester before graduating, I went home for good to the other end of the state (I live in a small state). I then went to do an internship in another state far away for the summer, having not contact with her at all. I finally came home and figured I could finally get Jane to come back out with us seeing as my buddy was still in school and I would be out there every other weekend going to the bars with him. However, we didn’t go out once because he had a falling out with his girlfriend and had a disastrous semester. So there goes another 3 months with no contact with her.

The semester ended and now everyone is on winter break and I’m sure Jane is home, whatever that might be. My buddy is taking the next semester off so my conduit by which I had an excuse to go out there is gone and my only contact with Jane is still just facebook. I now feel super awkward and kind of like a creeper getting in touch with her through facebook since it’s been nearly 10 month since I last had contact with her. I mean I only met her once and I had a couple weeks worth of contact with her via facebook and yet I still have very strong feelings for her. So I guess my roundabout question would be: What’s the least creepy way for me to go about getting back in touch with her? I assume that if she was actually into me that night then she would be happy to hear from me. However, this was only an assumption, she could have been totally not into me. I’m afraid to say anything because it would really hurt if she got creeped out by me for contacting after all this time, or if she didn’t remember me and was confused as to why I’m messaging her, or in general just being rejected.

That was really long-winded.

Any advice is much appreciated, thanks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, get my book called Date Out of Your League and read it! It’s going to help you learn how to win with women. You can buy the book here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url].

Second, get her phone number and ask her out on a date. It’s really that simple. You’ve made a long, complicated journey out of avoiding asking her out and it’s gotten you no where. Time to change your behavior and tell her you’d like to take her out to dinner.

I hope that helps!

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter! 😀

[Anonymous]

I agree with April. It’s your fear of rejection that is making you complicate this. Just take a deep breath, and ask. Call (no email, text, or facebook — too indirect), chat for a few minutes, and just do it. Not “Hang with me/friends”, not “Have dinner sometime” but very explicitly: “Would you like to have dinner next Saturday night?” Then listen carefully to her response. If she says she’d love to but she’s busy, call her again a week or two later and ask again. Perhaps three tries and then if still busy, ask if she’d like you to continue to ask or not. (Be brave — it’s hard, but you gotta practice this because you’ll be doing it again maybe…yes? Besides, the more you do it, the easier it becomes). I mean what’s the worst that can happen? She says no? You’ll live. And who knows, she might actually say yes. Practice being lighthearted about the whole process so no matter what the outcome, you know you tried and gave it your best shot. Good luck!

p.s. I do recommend the direct question about dinner because women get confused when you ask if they would like to “hang out”. We can’t tell if it’s a date, a casual request that might get cancelled at the last minute, or what. It smacks of a bit of disrespect. We don’t know how it reflects on us if we say yes. Does that mean we’re too available? Is it a date? Is it a friendship? What is it?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Great advice, [b]Tanya[/b]! I hope that DJoe1986 will buy [b]Date Out of Your League[/b] and read it! [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url] The dating process can be brutal if you don’t have advice, tips and methods that work. This book will give you a leg up on winning with women! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom (no dot!) on Twitter.

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