I don’t think you should move out! I do think you should try to work this out with him, because unless you’re leaving out a lot of information, this seems like a communication issue — not a deal breaker.
Here’s where you lost me — you told him that “he could do what he wanted on his own time” — which is basically giving him a hall pass. Then you do a 180 degree switch when you say that because he is saving NSFW (not safe for work) photos, which I’m assuming are soft core porn pictures of other women, on his computer, when you’re in the same room — you want to leave him after 14 years. 😯 There’s a big gap in communication between you telling him do what you want — and then wanting to leave him because he does. I know you think that he should know better, but in this case, I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. He may think that because he’s not physically cheating on you, and you gave him a thumbs up of sorts, you don’t care that he does this. In other words, you may not have communicated your feelings to him in a meaningful way, and until you do, I think you’ve still got some work to do.
Porn in a relationship — whether it’s traditional video porn, paper magazines, or stuff that shows up on computers from wherever — is often a problem. You’re not alone. 😉 And there are ways to overcome this difference between the two of you.
For instance:
*If you let him know that this bothers you, without giving him an ultimatum (big mistake), he has the clear message that what he’s doing is upsetting you, and he can decide how he wants to change or not change his own behavior. But if he doesn’t really know it’s an issue, you can’t blame him.
*Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill. Just because a guy is looking at porn, doesn’t mean he’s unfaithful to you. Some guys are just very visual and like to look — without cheating. If you can understand this, it may not be a big deal to you.
*But if it is, you can always figure out from the porn, what it is he likes, and see if it’s anything he’s not getting at home. For instance, if you’re someone who’s very au natural in the sex and romance department, and he’s looking at photos of women in lacy outfits, take a cue and dial up your lingerie stash. When men are visually stimulated, and you’re not giving them what they want to look at, and you can — this is an opportunity, not a problem.
*If he’s interested in role playing or other types of porn that are not what’s in your usual repertoire, and you’re game to try them, again, this is an opportunity for you to learn and grow, not just shut him down and leave both of you feeling badly.
I hope this helps.
[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]
