[Confusedneedhelp]

Hi April. I am a lesbian and have never had close female friends- My close friends are boys. There is a woman I work with and I can’t figure out if she likes me a close friend or if she likes me more than that. Never having had any close female friends, I’m finding it hard to understand and need help! Her- married, 40’s and above me at work.

I’m going to try and keep this short. Before she has said to me that if she wasn’t married she would go for me as she thought I was sexy and pretty. I thought she was just being nice and trying to make me feel nice about myself. This was some time ago. She also said one time that she didn’t know if she was straight or gay and thought it was all about the person you fall for. She would bring up gay subjects when we chatted but I thought that she was being nice to me in that no one else ever ventured into that aspect of my life. She is really touchy feely with me- she will touch my arm and hand when she talks to me, tells me stuff all about her life and how she feels and so on, and she likes to play punch me and tease me. She also has a thing for my toned arms and tries to touch them and asks me to flex them.

A bit ago I said I was leaving. I don’t think she took it seriously until a couple of weeks ago when I said I had applied for a new job. She acted cold towards me and just about ignored me. A group of us went out and we were talking about not keeping in contact with people we used to know. She said she pushes people away if she knows that they won’t be in her life no more because she likes people more than friends sometimes and that hurts. I wondered if that had anything to do with it and how she has been with me. I’ll also add she asked one of the women who said she had gone to an all girls school whether she had slept with any girls there. While we were there she did act friendly again a couple of times, once trying to stop me paying by grabbing my arms and holding them there and again resting her head on my shoulder when she was laughing too hard which I thought she didn’t need to do but I thinking she wanted to touch me. Weirdly there were times when she broke this coldness by telling me how her neck hurt and asking me to rub it, which I did and moved her top so my hands were on her skin. She did this a couple of times in the office. I work in an office that this is not the norm, it’s a bit stuffy really.

Fast forward this week. She asks how I am and I said really good. For some reason she asks does this mean I am not leaving. I say actually I’m not leaving. She was really happy and talking to me all over again. She later asks me out for lunch. On our way she straight away brings up when she asked the other girl about having sex with girls and said she was joking. I was like um ok…. But all the closeness was back, like nearly tripping over each other cos we were walking so close, when we were stood ordering her body was up against mine. When she was talking she was bringing up how this other girl who used to be at our work place really fancied her and how this girl always wanted to take her to gay places. She was saying that she isn’t gay but if she was then she wouldn’t go for this other girl. I realise now I should have asked who she would go for, as that would probably answer my question however I didn’t think at the time. In the car back we were talking and I said that I thought I’d no longer be able to get a motorbike and would get a car. She said good. I asked her why she said good as she had always been excited about me getting a bike and she said “if I lost you I would be very sad my sweetheart”. As I go to leave the office at the end of the day she straight away looks up and does this double high five thing and is really excited to chat again.

The things that make me confused are when she tells me she has seen a fit guy. This is not often she does this and I suppose as a married woman she shouldn’t really be coming out with that anyway.

So I’m wondering if she likes me more than a friend or if she just feels really comfortable with me? I feel like if I knew the answer to this I could figure out my next steps and get my head straight.

[AskApril Masini]

She’s definitely flirting with you. And…. I can see how the idea of getting involved with a woman in a lesbian relationship would be confusing when she’s married to a man. 😯 So, the answer to your question is that she likes you in a sexual and a romantic way — but she’s also going to bring chaos to your life because she’s married to a man and is interested in both men and women.

I hope that answers your question. 😉

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