[PurpleK101]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now, recently I’ve been starting to have doubts on the relationship.
It could be me having high expectations but I feel like I get taken for granted.

My boyfriend is terrible with money, when it comes to my birthday, Christmas, our anniversary, Valentine’s Day, he never has money. He never saves, he knows these things are coming up and never plans ahead. 2 years in a row I’ve got no Christmas presents from him, when I’ve bought him things, he’s always about 3-4 weeks late in getting me something or sometimes never getting me anything.
Personally I don’t think he knows what romance is or believes in it, I always say it would be nice to surprise me with flowers once in a while or plan something but he just gets snappy with me and says I shouldn’t ask I should just wait and see. He’s never done anything spontaneous in the 2 years we’ve been together.
I’m starting to feel bored with the relationship, sex doesn’t interest me and when he asks and I say no he gets moody because I don’t want to.

I’m feeling bored, unappreciated. I suffer from depression and he suffers from depression and anxiety and sometimes it’s just mind numbing seeing him.
I often have to lend him money, the amount of times I’ve bought presents for his family, even lent him money for presents for myself with my money on behalf of him and he just ‘owes me’ I feel like his bank, his mother.

I’ve said to him before how I feel about the money lending, the unappreciative feeling I have but he just gets moody and guilt trips.

I feel like the spark is fading.

Am I selfish? Are my expectations too high?

I don’t know what to do!!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[PurpleK101]

I’m 19 and he’s 21.

I know we’re young, got my whole life ahead of me but don’t want to be with the wrong person for me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it. So your expectations don’t match reality. He’s a 21 year guy who’s selfish. And you’re a 19 year old young woman who’s acting like a bank instead of a girlfriend. My advice is to stop lending him money. It’s not helping anyone. And if you don’t want to date a selfish guy, who’s bad with money, then find someone else. These are actually big deals in relationships at all ages — money compatibility and selfishness. I know you’ve invested two years, but you’ve learned something in that time that’s brought you to this moment. I don’t think you can expect him to change, but you can expect yourself to. 🙂

[PurpleK101]

Wise words. I’ll see how it goes saying no, I have done before but then he obviously makes me feel a bit guilty, he’ll borrow money off other people becaus he knows I’ve been paid or I’ve got money. I don’t want to be a bank, I want to be a girlfriend. I hope he grows up a bit and so do I.

Thank you for your advice 🙂

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[Sally]

You don’t sound selfish. You sound tired.Wanting effort, planning, and to feel chosen isn’t some big, crazy ask. Two years in and you’re still borrowing him money, buying gifts for his family, and waiting weeks for basic follow-through. That starts to feel less like a partner and more like a responsibility. I’ve lived that. It slowly kills attraction, even if you still care.
The money stuff, the guilt trips, the moodiness when you say no to sex… that’s a lot to carry, especially when you’re already dealing with depression yourself. Love shouldn’t feel like parenting someone or begging for crumbs of romance.
The spark fading isn’t random. It’s information.
You don’t have to decide everything today. Just be honest with yourself about how long you can live like this without losing more of you.

[Tara]

No, you’re not selfish you’re just finally waking up. This isn’t “high expectations,” this is basic adult standards, and he’s failing them consistently. He doesn’t forget birthdays and holidays because he’s broke; he’s broke because he refuses to plan, grow up, or take responsibility. Two years with no Christmas presents, late or nonexistent gifts,

borrowing money from you to buy things for you, and guilt-tripping you when you call it out isn’t depression; it’s entitlement. You’re not his girlfriend, you’re his safety net, his ATM, and his emotional babysitter. Romance hasn’t “faded,” it was never there.

A man who snaps when you express needs and tells you to “wait and see” while delivering nothing is telling you exactly how little effort he plans to give long-term. Your loss of sexual interest isn’t a mystery; either desire dies when respect dies, and you don’t want to sleep with someone who feels like a dependent child. Staying with him out of pity, shared depression, or fear of being alone will only rot you from the inside.

He is not changing; he is not suddenly becoming generous, ambitious, or thoughtful, and your spark isn’t fading; it’s being suffocated. The longer you stay, the more you normalize being used. End it, reclaim your money, your energy, and your self-respect, and stop confusing loyalty with self-betrayal.

[Member]

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