[notsohappyinlove]

Hi – thanks for reading this I am in need of some advice here to know if I am over reacting to my situation.
I have been dating this guy for 3 months – all is great when we are together and go out/in etc
I just get the feeling that he ‘just isnt into me’ spose I should just go with my gut but have fallen for him and dont want to quit before I see how things go over a longer time?!
He will reply when I send a text sometimes fairly quickly, other times, hours later. We are both busy people I get that but …
He doesnt ever ring me…. so I dont ring him to bother him.
Sometimes I drop into his work, which is an appropriate situation to do so and have a cup of tea with him, he is always pleased to see me, gives me a kiss etc…..
He will cook for me and always lights a candle on the table so there is signs of romance !
We have been away together for a weekend and it was fabulous to spend time together – all good
Christmas ? We will have been together for over 4 months by then, he tells me that he is going to his parents for a family Christmas ‘thats how it is, I cant get out of it’. No further discusson on the subject! I have met his parents and got on great, am I out of order by wondering why he wont invite me to spend Christams with him and his family? He knows that I have no one to spend the festive period with and will be at home with the tv whilst he is having Christmas dinner…..and staying over night there….so when do we have exchange of presents etc?
He says that his previous gf’s have not understood that he doesnt need to ring them and text or reply all the time and that he needs his space ( like we all do ) but where does this become disinterest or merely not hounding someone ?
He also said that he is usually the one in a relationship that has to ask for sex as he has a high sex drive – so do I but its been over 2 weeks now since we were together like that and it is driving me nuts ! We have spent nights together but just says he is tired ( he genuinely is ! ) but ….. again there is the but !
So – am I over reacting here or do I need to give him a wide berth and get on with my life ?
Oh we have a weekend away booked ( a flight to catch and hotel for a concert ) he has not even offered to go halves with paying for all this …..
As I write this I feel that I am merely telling the ‘bad’ things….. well, maybe just what is annoying and confusing me !

[notsohappyinlove]

there must be someone out there reading this that can talk to me here !

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]Christmas ? We will have been together for over 4 months by then, he tells me that he is going to his parents for a family Christmas ‘thats how it is, I cant get out of it’. No further discusson on the subject! I have met his parents and got on great, am I out of order by wondering why he wont invite me to spend Christams with him and his family?[/quote]

You’re not out of order for wondering….. it sounds like he just isn’t into you enough to spend the holiday with you, and at only three or four months of dating, this seems pretty normal.

[quote] He knows that I have no one to spend the festive period with and will be at home with the tv whilst he is having Christmas dinner…..and staying over night there….so when do we have exchange of presents etc?[/quote]

Wait for him to take the lead on any present exchange.

[quote]He says that his previous gf’s have not understood that he doesnt need to ring them and text or reply all the time and that he needs his space ( like we all do ) but where does this become disinterest or merely not hounding someone ?[/quote]

You’re still getting to know him, and it seems like he’s not texting and phoning as often as you are. This is a difference between the two of you, and you’re having trouble accepting it and getting comfortable with it. Let him take the lead, and learn from his patterns. 😉

[quote]He also said that he is usually the one in a relationship that has to ask for sex as he has a high sex drive – so do I but its been over 2 weeks now since we were together like that and it is driving me nuts ! We have spent nights together but just says he is tired ( he genuinely is ! ) but ….. again there is the but !
So – am I over reacting here or do I need to give him a wide berth and get on with my life ?[/quote]

He’s not as into you as you are into him, and that’s why he’s not as interested in sex with you right now. Again, you have to figure out if this is a relationship worth investing energy in or not, based on how comfortable you are with the compatibilities and incompatibilities. You also have to figure out if he’s not that into you or if he’s just someone who’s cooler than you are.

[quote]Oh we have a weekend away booked ( a flight to catch and hotel for a concert ) he has not even offered to go halves with paying for all this …..[/quote]

I’m a little confused here… are you saying that you are paying for a weekend away for both of you?

[Lune David]

It really sounds like you’re giving this relationship more energy than he is, and that imbalance is what’s making everything feel confusing. He enjoys you when it’s convenient, but he isn’t showing the consistency or enthusiasm you need. April’s advice makes sense here — his actions are telling you he’s just not as invested.
You deserve someone who doesn’t make you guess where you stand.

[Lune David]

April, can I ask you something Christmas-related for myself?
When a guy doesn’t invite the woman he’s dating to Christmas with his family — even after months together — is that just normal holiday boundaries… or is it usually a sign he doesn’t see her in his future?

As a guy, I know Christmas is a big ‘family territory’ moment, but I’m curious: how do you tell the difference between healthy space and a quiet ‘you’re not part of my holiday plans’ message? Would love your advice on this.

[AskApril Masini]

Luna, that depends on what you mean by months. Do you mean 2 months, 4 months as in the case of Ms. NotSoHappyInLove, or 10 months?

Because my answer changes based on that.

You can choose to take a girl you met yesterday to Christmas with your family today, if you so wish 😁

People drag strangers to holiday dinners every year, and families survive worse.

But inviting a partner to Christmas with one’s family should be a huge milestone in a relationship.

You should be past the getting-to-know-you stage. And I’m not talking about the stuff you share on a first date. I’m talking about what you learn by actually dating someone over time. That usually takes around 6 months.

But if they’ve been dating for over 6 months and they didn’t invite their partner to the family holiday party, chances are it’s because they are not committed to the relationship.

[Member]

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