[MarkFriser]

I will make this as short as possible,

My Gf left me aprox. 2 months ago, we dated for 5 1/2 months ( i know it is not long but we almost lived together for that time, and really fell in love, altough im not sure for her after this). I contacted her several times after the brake-up. Some of the time she said “I’m afraid to meet cause i will end up with you agian cause I love you” (first, this is so confusing…), u might ask yourself what did I do? Absolutely nothing, i was the best there could be, loving caring, supportive, romantic, etc .. So i tried no contact about a month she didnt call me, so called her again and we made up with no effort (she was so happy about it, and admitted it was all her fault, and alot of other stuff). 3 days later she was acting ” i dont care about us”(confused again) and that day we met she was crying like crazy (she does that alot) and asked for more time, honestly i didnt want to give it, and i dont regret it, i was the one that was dumped, i tried to work it out, humiliated myself, etc.. (i dont know if she is bipolar). She wanted to stay friends but i told her that it is stupid cause i love her so much i cant look at her not being my girlfriend. She said that then she can’t do it and was actually angry. A week after she has a new bf. Okay, now that hurt. I decided to work on myself and act like i dont care at all. The new guy is total opposite of me (im an artist, pretty educated, doing martial arts, in good shape, i think i look okay…), i dont know her bf very well, but from what i see i cant find a single thing incommon with her… So my question is, is that a rebound or she got over me in 7 days? Is it wrong from me to expect her to realise what she done and come back? (yes i think i would forgive her, since she is not very mentally stable).

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote] So my question is, is that a rebound or she got over me in 7 days? [/quote]

Yes. He is a rebound boyfriend. I’d be surprised if it lasted.

[quote]Is it wrong from me to expect her to realise what she done and come back? (yes i think i would forgive her, since she is not very mentally stable).[/quote]

It’s not wrong for you to expect her to reconsider what she’s done by breaking up with you or tossing you aside because that may very well happen. There are a couple of reasons: First of all, she sounds like she was conflicted about breaking up with you. Second, the two of you had a long relationship, so those feelings and memories don’t disappear over night. Third, this guy is a rebound, and when she breaks up with him, she may want you there for comfort either as a rebound from her rebound or because she’s realized she made a mistake.

However….. the reason you want to forgive her (she’s not mentally stable) is the very reason you should move on. It’s impossible to be in a long term, healthy and happy relationship with someone who isn’t mentally stable. I’m not sure if she really is or if you’re confusing hormones, female emotions or just a rough time in life with mental stability. If she’s got a clinical condition, without professional help, you’re in for a rough ride — and so is she.

I don’t think you’re as lost as you say you are. I think you’re hurt and that hurt is understandable. You need to give yourself some time to heal and let things play out. I don’t know how old you are, but you probably need to think about what you want in a relationship so you can be more clear in trying to get it from this woman or someone new.

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[MarkFriser]

Wow, thank you alot, that was a really fast reply !

I will let you know how things are going 🙂

Just to answer your questions:
1) I’m 20.

2) What i want and her mental state? Here is what the thing is, this summer her mom decided to tell her what really happened to her dad (who is dead); he killed himself, and i know that she feels betrayed and insecure. But it was a no problem for me (at least most of the time). I am very secure altough im only 20, I have alot od psychological knowledge… Week before we broke up i actually started to help her, i told her that i would talk to her mom and be there for her always (i told her if your mom gets angry i will get a job and support you myself).
The more we are together the better person she becomes, she is hanging out with, pardon me, idiots. Her girlfriends tell stuff like “you dont need him”, “what love, you are 20″. So she lived 2 weeks with me, she stopped smoking, i never got so much love from her, she stopped crying she was happy 0-24. ” After her friends came back i dont know WTH happend to her, she was not the same person anymore… So i hopped that we will spend this summer together so i can show her that i indeed, will be there for her, always…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good luck! 😀

[MarkFriser]

Sorry for the spam, but since the last post, its bugging me that there are some things i did not say. Pretty much the thing that is troubling me most, what happens/happened when I’m not around. You see, 1 week before the brake up: whenever she told me she loves me she did it with a tone, in which i was never sure if its true. But the week before the brakeup she just stopped me in the apartment looked me in the eyes and said (with dead serious voice). “I must be the happiest girl in the world to have someone like you by my side, you are the best boyfriend there can be,I love you so much please dont ever leave me ” (I’m pretty good at “reading” people, so I think that love did blind me that much, that i wouldnt realise if this was fake, maybe it was… ). And in the next 5 days our seeing cut of for 50% (she had an excuse that she has studying to do with her friends, later she admited they had fun, but i told her times before that i love when she is having fun and that there is no reason to make some stupid excuses), and she was sounding pretty cold, altough, we met again 3 times that week, and she was normal, loving, she cryed about stuff that saturaday… So i didnt suspect nothing (as i beleive that all was okay). 2 days later she broke up with me (she was crying like hell, as she didnt want to do it, like someone has forced her). So we broke up (i was a bit angry at that time, so i didnt stop her in doing it ,altough i tried, i think that might made her mad). The reason she left me was firstly: “the relationship has gotten cold” (btw. in all time relationship was best that week, so I dont understand). I told her if thats true why are u crying then, then she told me that she doesnt know, and she didnt got cold but she doesnt know what to say to me… After 2 weeks she told me that “I left her” i was so confused, and the best thing she really meant it. Second reason she left me was, she said: That there is so much fun in the dormatory (where she is, sleeps at my place) and she is missing it out all because of our relationship, she wanted too cut of the our seeing but i said no…. (there actually isnt any fun, i investigated, but i know she is insecure so she loves when there is a lot of people around, and another thing her mother didnt let her go out at all in our home city). 2 weeks later (1month total), that time when we got back together she admitted that it is not me that is guilty, its her mothers influence and herself, and that its all ok, and that she had time for everything. Well the rest Ive already told you…
So, the thing is, what happens when she is not with me, why does she change? Her stupid friends told her that she changed in a positive way since she left me (which is so untrue she became a real bitch now). Was she happy with our relationship? Yes, she was and there wasnt a single day we didnt see/call each other. So I’m confused, Ive read alot of forum posts and I dont know what to think anymore. (btw. first day on her rebound she told my best friend, that she has zero feelings for me and that she is great now, but as soon as he mentioned something about me she got all nervous again, on the other hand she knows he is going to tell me that, maybe she wanted to make me jelaous or something? i have a feeling she has too much pride to make ‘The call’).
The thing she repeated the most is That “she doesnt know what she wants” or “i will leave her for sure but her friends never will. (btw. i think her friends always had a priority over me). Next day, i dont want to hurt you again. When I add up all of these i really do not know what to think. There are some reason for which i dont think she isnt faking it all (sex, yes, i was the first guy she had sex with and i know how shy she was, she never tried self-pleaseing her…so when i gave her, her first org**sm she was totaly scared and shocked).
What do u think now out of this situation? I even had facebook access, and saw her telling her friends that she feels some special connection to me (not during the brakeup ofcourse). Do u still think she will come to her senses in the next 2 months?

[MarkFriser]

Correction: “I dont think she is faking” :/

[April Masini, your AskApril]

From what you’ve now written it really sounds like she wants to experience more than just the relationship she had with you. This isn’t necessarily about you — it’s about her. People do change and they do have times in their lives when they want to experiment. It sounds like this is what she’s doing, and you’re upset about it.

Instead of looking at her, my advice is to look at yourself and to understand that rejection is actually a gift because it lets you know that the person you were with isn’t Ms. Right. You’re not free to find someone who DOES want to be with you and who DOES want the same things you do. If you stayed with her, when she was really wanting to be socializing in her college dorm (which is very normal), and dating other people or even having sex with other people to see what it’s like, you’d never have satisfied her because she wanted variety and she wanted to explore.

Compatibility is an important facet of relationships. The two of you were no longer compatible because she wanted to be out of the relationship and you didn’t.

Try and stop focusing on her, and take care of yourself. 😉

[MarkFriser]

Well, I though that also, but firstly, she had boyfriends before. Secondly she is scared of sex and i dont think she got bored of it so quickly she didnt even want to explore in that area. Then, she had long term relationships before, and last, if she wanted to be out of the relationship why is she now in a new one -_-

Maybe its hard for me to accept it, but still, somehow i dont agree with that, cause we werent even close to the “bored phase”, and why the 1month drama then?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You may not have been bored, but she may have been. And even if she wasn’t bored, she wanted something different.

I’ll say it again: It’s going to be a lot easier for you to move on if you focus on yourself more and her, less. Sometimes with perspective you’ll see things in a month or two or three that you didn’t realize now about happened.

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