[Whatthaa]

My boyfriend’s best friend is a very attractive girl. They have known each other for several years and are part of a tight knit social group of whom her boyfriend is also a part of. She and her boyfriend have been together for ten years . They got together when they were sixteen and have had some rocky patches in the last few years.

Last year she moved to another city for work where some of the other friends had moved and my boyfriend also went. They shared the long drive and set up a house together which really cemented their bond. Eventually her boyfriend went out there too and they all lived together although he wasn’t happy in the new town and it put pressure on their relationship. She depended on my boyfriend for support and they grew closer still. Eventually she decided to mend her relationship which caused my boyfriend to feel a bit on the outside. In this time he returned home and this was when we began our relationship.

Since the get go they were constantly in contact via text and phone calls and we met up with her on our holiday. I immediately felt like the third wheel although it was early in our relationship so I tried not to over react. She was not very inclusive of me and their body language was very suspicious. She was very flirtatious with him and seemed overly protective. When we were left alone together she would text on her phone and didn’t engage much which made me feel uncomfortable. When she finally did engage after a few days she told me that he was her favourite human in the world, that they always kept an eye on each other in social settings and people often mistook them for a couple. She also said they had a running joke that my boyfriend thought he had Stockholm syndrome. She also said it was ironic that when he was finally entering a committed relationship, she was interested in having sex with other people. The conversation made me extremely uncomfortable and I confronted my boyfriend about it. He agreed that it was extremely weird and he had no idea why she would say those things to me except that sometimes she was socially awkward with new people. He told me they were just close friends and I had nothing to worry about and I believed him but I still had some doubts and have not been able to shake the feeling that there is something more between them ever since.

We have been planning on moving to the town where she is living for months now but there has been one problem after another keeping us from leaving. At one point he admitted he was worried about being able to maintain his close friendships there and be with me once we had moved there as he was very involved with his “soul community”. He also admitted that it was possible the boundaries between him and this girl had been a bit blurred as she had relied heavily on him for emotional support that her boyfriend had been unable to give her. I asked if he had become somewhat of a pseudo boyfriend to her and he agreed that was probably true but he assured me that they had not been physically intimate and he saw her as a friend.

I really want to let it go but it feels like every time his phone goes off it’s her and the contact between them seems excessive to me. I haven’t looked in his phone but the messages appear on the screen and they are often flirtatious and constantly saying she misses him, urging him to return. I am really concerned that when we get there I am going to feel the same way I did when I first met her. I don’t want to keep bringing it up but I don’t know how to not let it bother me. Every time I see her name appear on the phone my heart sinks. I don’t know if it’s my gut instinct or if I’ve just become fixated on the issue and blown it out of proportion. Am I crazy? I don’t want to stand between him and a friend and he has lots of other female friends I am completely comfortable with but I feel like I need to draw a line somehow with this girl… How can I know if I have something to worry about? How can I approach it without coming off as a jealous psycho? Even if nothing happens between them I don’t think I could cope knowing he has feelings for her that are more than friendship. Is this normal? How can I know what his feelings really are? And if this is a threat to my relationship with him? Is it selfish of me to be unsupportive of their special friendship or am I a fool allowing it to continue? Please help…

[AskApril Masini]

I would LOVE to answer your questions, but first….. please go to the string of posts you already have not his site, and re-post (just cut and paste) your new post as a “reply”, so I can answer you with everything about your life in one place. 😉 Here’s the link to the string of posts you already have here: [url]https://askapril.com/forums2/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=325265&p=358356#p358356[/url]. I’ll look out for your new post, and answer you as soon as you post there. 😀

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