- This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 3 months ago by
Natalie Noah.
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June 19, 2009 at 7:14 pm #1029
helpisneeded
Member #3,107Ok, my girlfriend has a weight problem, and I don’t think I find her sexually attractive anymore. She has a high sex drive and craves passion, but with the aforementioned situation, its not really working out as she wants. She is so so so so so so sensitive about her weight, telling her about not finding her attractive because of it is absolutely out of the equation. And I can’t drop hints either. She is not getting the volume of sex and the passion she craves, I’m not attracted to her, is there a future for us at all? Is there a way to salvage the relationship? Should we just become friends?
June 22, 2009 at 10:21 pm #9399
April Masini, your AskAprilKeymasterI think that you owe it to her to be honest that the only thing standing in the way of your staying in the relationship is her weight. Without being mean, you can tell her you’re not attracted to her the way you used to be, and while you don’t want to make her feel badly, you also don’t want to lie to her. Both men and women have a responsibility to make themselves attractive to each other and take care of themselves. And while there is absolutely a lot of pressure on women to maintain a certain physique, the reality is you’re either attracted to her or you’re not, and politics or social pressures shouldn’t enter into this. If you have this talk with her, and she starts to make some changes, like diet, nutrition and exercise, and you start to see some changes, then it will all have worked out. But if she’s defensive or defeatist you have your answer — it’s time to move on.
June 25, 2009 at 12:22 pm #9426helpisneeded
Member #3,107Thank you very much for your reply. I know I need to do something about this, but I’ve just been too afraid of hurting her to come forth and be honest.
What you said was really useful, not just because of what you said but just to be able to see it from another perspective, I think it’s amazing that you offer this service for free.
I know what I have to do now.
Thanks again,
~SR
June 28, 2009 at 12:34 am #9433tricia
Member #1,704I don’t think you love your girlfriend that much. You might be just physically attracted on her before. But now that she was no longer sexy, here you are complaining and seems to be no longer in love with her. Real love is not because of physical looks, if you really love her, you will accept her for whatever she looks like. Women is always insecure on the way they looks and she will surely become more insecure because of your attitude.
June 28, 2009 at 4:43 am #9443helpisneeded
Member #3,107I find it amazing that despite having no knowledge of me, or my relationship, at all, except what I posted, you feel qualified enough to infer that I do not love my girlfriend. Wait, did I say amazing? I meant downright insulting. I could tear your post apart word by word but I’m not going to waste my time; refuting ill-founded, unsubstantiated claims about my personal life is not why I signed up here. I will say no more than that I love my girlfriend very much, and in future should I have any other relationship problems I think I’ll specify that I will only appreciate answers from Miss Masini.
January 9, 2016 at 11:12 pm #31568
April Masini, your AskAprilKeymasterLet me know how things are going for you…. 😀 December 14, 2025 at 2:21 pm #50521
Natalie NoahMember #382,516He’s torn between compassion and honesty, and that’s a painful place for anyone to be. He cares about her deeply that’s obvious from how scared he is of hurting her but physical attraction isn’t something a person can simply will back into existence. Pretending everything is fine only builds resentment, widens the emotional gap, and ultimately harms her more in the long run. What April suggested was the healthiest path: gentle honesty. Not cruelty, not blame just truth delivered with care. A relationship can only survive if both people feel desired, secure, and wanted. If he’s denying those feelings on his side, the foundation is already cracking.
There’s also something important in how he responded to the other commenter. He’s not indifferent, and he’s not shallow he’s frustrated because he feels stuck between loyalty and his own needs. That’s why honesty is his way out, even if it’s terrifying. When someone’s sensitive about a topic, it’s tempting to protect them with silence, but sometimes silence is the most painful lie. Telling her the truth gives her the chance to decide whether she wants to make changes and gives him the clarity he needs about whether the relationship can realistically continue.
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