[kai]

Hi April,

I’m feeling a little down at the moment because I’m currently in a short term long distance relationship and have been for the past two months. My boyfriend had to move for work for 3 months then is going back home overseas in England to visit for a month afterwards.

We have been together 5 months all up and neither of us was ready to say I love you before he left, so it hasn’t been said yet because that is obviously something we both want to do face to face. I’m ready now to say it and am seeing him in two weeks for a quick visit but have decided not to say it before him because I feel as though I’m the more confident one in this right now.. Perhaps I’m wrong, I don’t know, but he doesn’t talk to me about these things. It’s so hard getting a man to open up! He’s one of these very laid back kind of guys where the time line of these things in a relationship doesn’t seem to phase him.

Since he’s been gone, he was only texting me. Being a new relationship I went along with it because I didn’t want to seem clingy, but as time went on he still seemed to have no interest in actually talking on the phone so I felt a bit neglected. I’m 25 and he’s 26. I then started to ask him when we could Skype and we did.. Only Twice over a number of weeks, until I ended up saying to him to ring me when he got the chance because I wanted to actually talk… He still didn’t get it! I tried to explain it subtly but since then nothing has changed and I will call him once a week thinking it will push him along to want to talk to me… Yet still nothing.
He made a comment (apparently as a joke) last time that he spends his time reading my ‘essay’ texts because I go into so much detail.. This was when I rang him last night.

I feel offended and let down 🙁 it’s still early days and I don’t want to rock the boat too much but I feel I want to say something. Is there a way to say it over text that I’m upset? Or should I be waiting until I see him? Spending time apart so early in the relationship makes me feel like we will be starting again when he gets back. We haven’t argued yet only small irritations and get along great normally when we are together.
Being a woman, of course I could be overthinking but I just feel as though I always want to talk and he doesn’t- I miss him so why wouldn’t i?!

Do you have any thoughts on my situation please? I honestly think he’s oblivious to how much it means to me.
Thank you!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m very sorry you’re feeling down. It sounds like because your relationship is new, and now he’s away for five months, you’re feeling frustrated and want more. It’s important to trust your instincts and not be clingy or needy. That’s not the way to get a guy to want you. 😉 “Essay” length texts are not as effective as flirty, seductive texts that might lure him to want more of you. 😎 And definitely don’t tell him you’re upset. With the distance between you and several more months apart, it will be very easy for you to become his “problem” — not someone he looks forward to hearing from and seeing. 🙂

In the meantime, it would be a great idea to find some outside interests to keep you busy so you don’t overthink this relationship, or ruin it by becoming demanding and needy. 😉 Men want to feel like they’re the ones who make you feel great, and you should focus on making him feel great, so that he wants to be with the source of that feeling — you! 😀

I hope that helps.

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