"April Masini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."

Bad idea

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  • #7979
    Lis
    Member #374,622

    Hi April and thank you. I am interested in man I work with….I know bad idea. He is significantly older than me……I know bad idea. I know he is interested in the attention at least….and there has been some physical contact….but he seems very hesitant or like he is just playing with me. We have been flirting pretty heavily for a little over four months. I would just let my interest drop, but he is the first and only person I have been attracted to in three years. I have dated several men since my divorce, but I just found them to be boring or repulsive as can be in one to two dates. I do not normally date out of my age by more than a few years…I don’t think this is any sort of ‘daddy issue’. I think I may just be having a sort of gun shy issue because my very short and terrifying marriage was so crazy. Maybe I’m just howling after someone I can’t have. So how can I determine if he is just playing or just hesitant? And if I need to just let him be…..which I probably should….how do I fix myself enough that I don’t always dislike what is available?

    Thank you
    Lis

    #35117

    Okay, so thanks to your pre-posting questionnaire, I can tell that you’re 44 and he’s 59 and you’re two men who are divorced, both with adult children from prior relationships. So, here’s the thing — the age gap isn’t that big a deal. I don’t think this is a “daddy issue”. You’re both divorced with kids — that levels the playing field and can shorten the gap between your ages. Plus, you work at the same place, so that’s another thing you have in common! That said…. you work at the same place — and there are implications if things don’t work out between you. You’ll have to see each other and focus on work when having an ex in the office can be a distraction. However, most people spend a lot of time at work, so it’s normal to meet dates there. If you can handle the work romance dynamic, then I think you should ask him out on a date, and break the pattern of flirting without commitment. Think about the worst case — it’s really not so bad, is it? 🙂

    #52841
    Hamna
    Member #382,766

    AskApril has given safe and professional advice that I really liked, and I think you should follow it too.
    If he’s been flirting for four months and not making a move, chances are he’s just having fun without any responsibility.
    Stop flirting and directly ask them out on a date to find out if they are serious or not.

    #52842
    Lidya
    Member #382,753

    Flirting has been going on for four months, and in that time, people have renovated the entire house, yet you are still crying because of physical contact and hesitation.
    listen dear. Offer him a date. If he still hesitates, then realize he’s just starving for attention. Leave him to his boring life and try to get yourself back to being a little ‘normal.
    Because many people will be waiting for you, who want to make your world beautiful.
    So don’t waste your time

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