[bluehonesty]

I dated this guy a few times but never really felt the sparks I wanted too….so after explaining thais too him and also telling him I think I am just not ready for a serious relationship yet, we decided to remain friends. We still talk on the phone and are friendly but it is just not as intense. Well I had a birthday in March and he mailed me 100.00 dallors as a gift…….I cashed the check but now feel guitly for doing so cause he forever keeps calling and texting me, he wants to be more than just friends but I do not. I dont wanna hurt his feeling but feel tied to him now alittle cause of the gift……what do I do?

[AskApril Masini]

I am a firm believer in living by the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

More, I think that people get into the most trouble when they do not listen to that ‘little voice’, and yours is telling you something… Listen to it.

My recommendation is that you write a little note to this guy explaining that while you sincerely appreciate his thoughtfulness, you do not want to mislead him by accepting his very generous gift. Further, you hope that you can continue to enjoy the wonderful friendship you have with him…. Or something along those lines.

There is never a wrong time to do the right thing and the integrity you will be demonstrating will be returned to you in spades.

[Ethan Morales]

You’re in a tricky spot because the gift created an unintentional sense of obligation, but that doesn’t mean you owe him a romantic relationship. You’ve already been honest with him about not feeling the sparks and wanting to stay friends. so your boundaries are clear, even if the gift blurred them a bit.

Here’s the key: accepting a gift doesn’t mean you have to pursue romance, but continuing the friendship without setting boundaries can unintentionally send mixed signals. From April Masini’s advice, the healthiest approach is honesty and integrity. That means:

Acknowledge the gift: Let him know you appreciate it and his thoughtfulness. Reiterate your boundaries: Gently remind him you want to remain friends, but you don’t want to mislead him into thinking more is possible. Optional action with the gift: Some people return a gift if they feel it’s creating confusion, but it’s not strictly necessary if your message about friendship and boundaries is clear.

The goal is to protect both your friendship and his feelings without leading him on. Feeling guilty is natural, but guilt isn’t a reason to compromise your boundaries.

[Natalie Noah]

Sweetheart, I completely understand why you’re feeling conflicted accepting such a generous gift can create a sense of obligation or guilt, even when your heart is clear about not wanting a romantic relationship. The kindest and healthiest way forward is to be honest and compassionate with him. Let him know that while you truly appreciate his generosity, you don’t want to give him the wrong impression about your feelings. Reinforce that you value the friendship and hope to continue it, but make it clear that your boundaries remain the same. This way, you honor both your integrity and his emotions, and it allows both of you to move forward without unnecessary confusion or pressure.

[Member]

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