[iaj32]

I recently discovered that I have incredibly high blood pressure and it has been extremely difficult to get under control. Last week I had a doctor’s appointment and my blood pressure was so high that my doctor wanted me to go to the emergency room immediately. I called my boyfriend at work and told him that my blood pressure was dangerously high and that my doctor wanted me at the hospital right away but didn’t want me driving. His response? “I’m at work right now…can’t this wait until later?” When I explained that I had to go right away and asked him if he could please explain to his boss that it’s an emergency, he responded with “I’m working right now and I’m not going to bother my boss with that. Just wait until tonight and I’ll take you then.” So I had to end up taking a cab to the hospital. He finally showed up hours later right as I was being discharged.

I’m having a hard time getting past this cause I just think this is so inconsiderate. He’s the only person I have here (all of my family lives across the state) and when I needed him most, he couldn’t be bothered. I understand that sometimes people have obligations, but this was an emergency. The next night I ended up back in the ER and ended up driving myself. When my mother called him to ask him if he could drive me because she was worried, he called me back flipping out telling me to tell my family to stop bothering him while he’s working. And it’s not like this is a new relationship either, we’ve been together over five years. I just feel like this incident shows that he really doesn’t care what happens to me.

I can’t even look at him and I have nothing to say to him, I’m just so hurt by this. He goes on and on about how much he loves me but the fact that he didn’t even try to help me when I needed him most makes me think that he really doesn’t care all that much about what happens to me. It’s not so much that he didn’t take me to the hospital, it’s more that he didn’t show an ounce of concern and seemed more annoyed by the situation than anything. What do you think? Am I being too hard on him? Is he just an idiot who didn’t realize the seriousness of the situation? Or is he an inconsiderate jerk who doesn’t care about me at all?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

As you tell it, you don’t need my advice at all! So let me ask you a few questions to see if there’s more going on here. 🙂

First of all, how old are you both?

In the five years that you’ve been together has he ever behaved in this way, or is this new behavior? And if it’s new behavior, what do you think triggered it?

Please don’t take this next question the wrong way — it’s important to know if you have a lot of health issues or if this one is the first like this? Are you normally healthy? Or do you have a lot of illnesses? Usually high blood pressure is a condition that can be controlled with medication. Is there a reason you’re having these emergencies?

Also, how long have you lived away from your family, across the state from them?

I look forward to hearing your answers, and responding further when I have that information! 😀

[iaj32]

I’m 23 and he’s 24. I’m normally pretty healthy though I haven’t been feeling well for the past few months. So far my blood pressure isn’t responding well to medication. I’ve tried a few different medications and different dosages and nothing seems to be doing the trick, so there may be another issue that’s causing it. I’m seeing a cardiologist Monday to find out what could be causing such high blood pressure (other than genetics) and why I’m having difficulty getting it under control even though I’m doing everything right.

We’ve lived together for the past year and since moving in together I’ve seen this horrible, ugly side of him more and more. He doesn’t seem to care about it like he once did. I honestly don’t see us lasting much longer because to me, it seems as though he expects me to be someone I’m not and since I can’t be that person, he doesn’t care to bothered with me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Thank you for filling in the blanks! 😀 It sounds like your relationship changed when you moved in together and I think your boyfriend began to act passive aggressively because he can’t tell you directly that he doesn’t want the kind of commitment you’re in. If you’ve been dating for five years, he was 19 or 20 when you started and now you’re living together and dealing with the kind of issues like health and extended family that are typically part of a couple heading for matrimony. He isn’t ready for that, if he wants it at all, and feels trapped, but doesn’t want to say what he’s feeling because he doesn’t want to break up, or does want to break up but doesn’t want to deal with a break up, or maybe he just wants to rewind the relationship course and just date. Clearly, he isn’t ready for the commitment you’re heading for or even the one you’re in.

Besides the fact that he’s your boyfriend, a simple platonic roommate would have picked you up if you had a medical emergency and would have fielded family calls without any stress. Your boyfriend is itching to get out of this. People break up with the tools that they have. Sometimes they create problems that turn into a break up because it’s the best that they can do to extricate themselves from the relationship. If they’re more mature then they address issues head on. Your boyfriend is doing the former.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go.

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