[seasons81]

Hello! I’m a 34 yr old man in Greenville, SC. I recently broke up with my gf last week and I’m left with confusion and questioning myself. We had been dating for the last 4 months and things moved faster than any other relationship I’ve ever been in. We started telling each other “I love you” about a month into the relationship and spent almost every day and night together the next several months. About 2 weeks ago I went on a business trip to Florida for 4 nights. While I was gone she called me several times a day and I answered every call and if I was busy I would call her back as soon as I could and also called her to tell her goodnight and I love her every night. A couple days after I got back she tells me she’s going to Myrtle Beach on the 4th of July with her girlfriends for 2 nights for a girls weekend. (my gf is 38 and her friends are 26 and 27). While she was down there she never called once and never answered or returned my calls once. Only sent me a couple one line texts. The last night she was there I text her that I was upset about this and we got into a texting war which she turned around on me saying I have trust issues and she cant be with someone like that and it ended.
Was I wrong to be upset she never called or answered me one single time while in myrtle partying with her younger friends? Or was she hiding something and was she wrong for not calling and communicating with me. If she really did love me as much as she said she did you would think she would have wanted to call her bf atleast once while she was down there.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You weren’t wrong. But this isn’t about being wrong or being right. It’s about what you expected and wanted being different than what you got. In all relationships this dynamic exists. For you, it was about her taking a trip and not staying in touch the way you had hoped. It could have been a small deal that you smoothed over or, unfortunately, it was the catalyst for a break up. I think that it might have been more prudent to chill and then talk to her when she got home after her 2 night trip. You could have told her that you missed her, and were bummed out you hadn’t heard from her — in other words, putting the emphasis on how much she meant to you and how disappointed you were, but that you were a big boy and two nights away from her was going to hurt, but not kill you. 😉 Instead, you started comparing your behavior with hers — and instead of seeing a difference, you turned it into a right or wrong.

You’d only been dating for four months which is why you’re still getting to know each other, in spite of a lot of relationship landmarks seeming to whizz by so quickly! This could have been an opportunity to learn about her friendships with these other women, and to see where your relationship was when you were each out of town. It didn’t have to be the end of the relationship, and I think the texting war was unfortunately a mistake. Texting is so easy and fast that it can escalate a spark into a forest fire very quickly. What you’ve got now is razed ground. 😥

[seasons81]

Thanks for the reply April and I respect your advice a lot! You are right that I should have waited until she got home to talk to her. I was just very disappointed and hurt a little that she didn’t want to call me and even answer or return my calls at all. I felt like if she loved me as much as she said that she would have wanted to. Also I left out the fact that there were some red flags in the beginning. When we first started going out there were guys constantly texting her and even sending nude selfies. She likes the attention and she gets it. I’m a secure guy and confident but this always made me wonder. Also her friends she went on her trip with are over 10 years younger than her and are known for being ‘pretty easy’ and they love to go clubbing (something I never got into). So I never agreed with this trip from the start but when she never answered my calls (didn’t even really send one picture) I was pretty bothered by it. She filled my head with words of love non stop and it made me question if any of it was ever real. She was so quick to tell me she wanted out of the relationship from me texting her that it made me wonder how could somebody say they’re so crazy in love with someone (like she would tell me daily) and then be so quick to run from the relationship.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

[Alysa]

Brother! The girl who writes “daily” love you love you for 4 months and then breaks up with you after ignoring you for a weekend wasn’t “love”, she was just validation. She didn’t want your love; she wanted your attention.
Put your walls up high. You need someone who will pick up your calls even when she’s having fun, not someone who will forget you when she goes to a party. Next time, avoid such “fast-forward” relationships; the fire that starts so quickly goes out just as quickly.
AskApril was right that both of them had different expectations. The guy should have shared his feelings (that he’s missing out) instead of getting caught up in the “right vs. wrong” cycle. Anyway, fighting over texting always messes things up, because a small spark can become a wildfire.

[Member]

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