[pj34]

Its been a month since i broke up with my ex. i had to break up because my parents had got me fixed to another guy to get married. he took it cool but we still in contact and sms and are quite normal. about a week ago he got engaged to another girl and is seeming quite happy with her. while im finding it quite hard to adjust to this new guy. i want to move away from my ex but he’s taking it quite normal and thinks im overreacting. i need to give time to the new guy which is not happening with him being around all time. im really confused and frustrated as to which direction to go and what to do..i still like my ex and i think moving away would only give space for the new guy..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

My advice is to stop communicating with your ex boyfriend because he’s getting married to someone else now, and you’re engaged to a new man. Stop talking to him, communicating electronically and seeing him. It will make it a lot easier for you to accept the break up and focus on your new relationship if you do this. 🙂

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[pj34]

I tried doing that but v agreed to be friends infact good friends. I told him that v shall reduce being in contact but he’s not willing to do that and v chat still. Mostly its abt his fiance and mine but still there’s a hitch in my mind that he was my ex and i still like him. How do i tell him to break up?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Easy: You stop returning his calls, texts and e-mails. You’re not a victim. You shouldn’t use the excuse that HE won’t end things. 😕 What about you? 😉 You have the power to end your part of the relationship. You can block his calls and communications, and he’ll get the message. If you don’t, you’re going to complicate things even more than they already are. 😳

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[pj34]

Im really finding ur advice useful i just cant find the courage to break up like that.. i was with him for 2 yrs though i knew this day had to come.. he’s moved on so easily and im still stuck.. everything seems so complicated i feel like i can never love the guy im getting married to

[pj34]

Isn’t it possible to be friends after dating for so long.. its the last six months i can maintain my old friends coz il be going really far away. and as an indian marriage is a really complicated matter

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]Isn’t it possible to be friends after dating for so long?[/quote]

No. It’s that simple. Friends are different than people you’ve dated. I never advise men and women to be friends because it doesn’t work. One person always has different feelings for the other one.

In addition, I doubt your husband to be will be very happy about your friendship with a very recent ex-lover, and if you want your marriage to survive, then you have to do the right thing for your marriage.

You sound like you’re all over the map right now — you wanted your ex out of your life; then you said you don’t have the courage to do what it takes to have that — and now you want to be friends with him.

The problem isn’t your ex, your parents, or your fiance — the problem is you. (Sorry if this is harsh, but you have to be clear, and deluding yourself is the worst way to live.) You have to decide how you’re going to conduct your life, and behave consistently. I know this isn’t easy, but until you do so, you’re going to continue to be all over the map and act in a way that creates chaos in your relationships. 😉 If you want the arranged marriage, then be in it — one hundred percent. If you don’t, then get out of it — one hundred percent.

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