"April Masini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."

Can having sex too soon ruin a relationship?

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  • #1248
    nb3
    Member #5,400

    Dear April,

    I have been dating a great guy for a little over two years, now. He honestly cares for me, tells me he loves me and how beautiful he thinks I am at any chance he gets. I know his family very well and they like me very much, too. We spend all the weekends and holidays together – we would do it more often, but I’m very busy working during the week and we live about an hour apart. I couldn’t be happier in this relationship, yet I feel that I did everything wrong in the dating stages (maybe even now). For one, I slept with him almost immediately. We both agree that it was too quick, but he says he doesn’t regret it. I also moved in with him within a month of starting to date him in order to help him out with rent (he has been more or less broke ever since we started dating, but has never asked me for money). We lived together for about eight months. Then we both realized that we needed more space and I gradually moved out and further away. Ever since then, our relationship has actually improved (although it was already a good one to begin with). Another thing I did that was probably not very intelligent was to return his phone calls immediately whenever he would call me (I still do) and I very often called him. Now, we’re at a point at which he actually asks me to call him every day (to make sure that I got home alright or to say goodnight after I go to bed, or if there is a problem and I need someone to talk to) although he admits that he dislikes talking on the phone. Overall, we talk about everything, especially when we’re in person, sex is very frequent and fun, and from the honest and caring love letter he wrote me two years ago to the great weekends we have, things only seem to get better. Yet, I know that he is not ready for marriage and won’t be for another 5 years or so – and I don’t mean to push him since it is not the most important thing to me, either, but I begin to wonder: Did I do something wrong that will affect the relationship in the future, or is this meant to be?

    #10044

    I can’t tell you if your relationship is meant to be based on a posting, but I can tell you that although you may not have followed all the rules I advise for women who want to get a great guy, you seem happy in your relationship, and you’re not phased by the fact that he won’t be ready to marry for five years. So for now, it seems like everything is all right.

    The only question I have for you is how do you know that he’ll be ready to marry you in 5 years? Where did that number come from?

    If you’re sure that’s the amount of time it will take, and that that is what you both want, and you don’t mind waiting, I don’t really see a problem here. 🙂

    #52290
    Alison Feby
    Blocked

    This really sounds like a relationship that grew naturally, not one built on rules or timelines. What matters most is that you’re both happy,

    #52433
    Nick Roy
    Member #382,746

    There is no perfect time to have sex, so don’t worry about that; it was a natural and fun moment.
    If you feel all of this is too fast for you. Then keep the “no physical touch” rule on your next date. Talk to him about his dreams, childhood, or likes and dislikes. This will make him feel that you are not only interested in fun, but that you’re interesting as a person too
    Askapril is right here. “If the mental and emotional connection between the two is strong, it doesn’t matter whether sex is on the first date or the 10 date.”
    So my dear, don’t bother 🙂

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