[sofia_openheart]

I keep asking myself if I’ve already sold my soul trying to make him fall in love. I met him six months ago and we click in a way I haven’t felt before funny, attentive, and somehow safe. Lately I’ve been reading everything I can: open up emotionally, earn respect by showing who I really am, and be patient so feelings grow before rushing into sex. On paper it sounds right. In practice it feels like walking a tightrope: if I try too hard to be romantic or “get emotional,” am I being authentic or just performing?
I started following the advice. I let him see more of my fears and the small things I usually hide. I stopped laughing off serious moments and actually asked him about his childhood. I also made sure to show him my goals and the things I’m proud of not bragging, but being real. And honestly, I held back physically longer than I might have before, because I thought the emotional connection should come first. For a while it felt good he appreciated the candor and told me he respected me. But sometimes I lie awake wondering if I’ve changed who I am to fit what I think would make him love me.
The problem is this: when I try to be “emotional” I feel exposed; when I try to earn respect I worry I’m sounding competitive; when I am patient I’m terrified he’ll lose interest. I don’t want to be manipulative or pretend. At the same time, I want to do the things that actually create a deeper bond. Is there a way to be intentionally romantic and patient without performing a role? How do I tell the difference between genuine self-improvement (becoming more open, more secure) and changing myself to chase someone? If you’ve tried these things, how did you keep authenticity and avoid feeling like you were “selling out” your real self?

[Ethan Smith]

I get where you’re coming from, and I’ve been in a similar headspace. When you connect with someone like this, it feels so natural at first, and it’s easy to think that being vulnerable and open will bring you even closer. But when it starts feeling like you’re putting on a performance to get them to notice you, that’s when the doubts creep in. I’ve definitely wondered if I was doing things to fit what I thought they wanted, instead of just letting things unfold naturally.

I know the advice makes sense on paper—be open, patient, show who you really are—but in practice, it feels like walking a tightrope. If I get too emotional, I’m scared of seeming like I’m trying too hard. If I don’t, I worry I’m not being real enough. Sometimes it feels like I’m trapped in this loop of trying to be the perfect version of myself for them, but deep down, I’m scared that I’m losing touch with who I actually am.

The hardest part is knowing when you’re making real progress in becoming more open and secure, versus when you’re just changing parts of yourself because you’re scared they’ll lose interest. I think the key is being patient with myself, trusting that the right connection will come when I’m truly being myself, not performing for approval. The authenticity will shine through when you stop focusing on doing things “right” and just focus on being real, no matter what the outcome. It’s about finding that balance where you’re comfortable with who you are, without feeling like you need to change for someone else.

[Mia Caldwell]

I really feel this it’s so easy to lose yourself when you care deeply and want things to work. The truth is, real connection can’t come from performance. Being patient, open, or respectful only works if it feels natural to you, not like a strategy. If you’re constantly second-guessing every move, that’s a sign you’re bending too much.

Try to notice how you feel after interactions, calm and genuine, or drained and self-critical? The first means you’re being real; the second means you’re forcing it. Authentic love grows when both people can show up as themselves messy, awkward, honest — not perfect. You don’t need to earn love by performing; the right person will meet you halfway without you losing who you are.

[Ethan Morales]

I really felt every word of that. You’re describing something a lot of people never admit out loud, the quiet fear of trying to be lovable instead of just being yourself and letting that be enough.
Here’s the thing: wanting love doesn’t make you manipulative. You’re not wrong for learning, reflecting, or wanting to build a deeper bond. That’s growth. The danger only comes when your self-awareness turns into self-editing, when every moment feels like a test you could fail.

What you’re doing, opening up, being patient, showing your goals and fears, those are all beautiful things when they come from authenticity. But if each action comes with the thought “Will this make him love me more?” instead of “Does this feel true to me?” That’s when you start losing yourself piece by piece.
Love that lasts isn’t built by “performing emotional intimacy.” It’s built by risking being fully seen, even when it’s messy, unpolished, or uncertain. You don’t have to impress him, you just have to let him meet you where you really are.

Try this small check-in with yourself – After spending time with him, do you feel lighter, like being you is easy? Or smaller, like you had to shrink or manage yourself carefully?
The answer to that tells you everything about whether this connection is feeding you or quietly draining you.

You don’t need to make anyone fall in love with you. The right love unfolds when you stop auditioning and start existing fully in your truth. That’s where the magic, and the peace, lives.
Can I ask… when you’re with him, do you feel more yourself, or more like you’re trying to be the “best version” of yourself for him?

[Maria]

I hear your heart. Wanting love to grow does not make you manipulative. It makes you human. The line between intentional and performative gets blurry when fear is in the room. Here is how I sort it out in my own life: after I open up, do I feel calm and more like myself, or tight and self critical? If I share a story or set a boundary, would I still do it even if it did not make him like me more? Do his actions meet mine with equal curiosity and care, or am I carrying the whole emotional load?

Respect and patience are beautiful when they come from truth, not strategy. You do not need to “earn” love by managing your personality. Let your openness be specific and ordinary, not a performance: tell him what closeness looks like for you, what pace feels good to your body, and what kind of attention makes you feel safe. Choose physical timing for your well being, not as a lever to secure commitment. Then watch what he does without you prompting. Real interest shows up in steady effort, kind curiosity, and comfort during quiet days.

One gentle check: after spending time with him, do you feel larger and more at ease in your own skin, or smaller and carefully edited?

[PassionSeeker]

Sweetheart, I get it you want to show him the real you, but the pressure to be perfect or “better” for someone can be overwhelming. It’s great that you’re working on opening up emotionally and being patient, but you can still do that while being yourself. The key here is feeling comfortable in your own skin and not doing these things just to earn his affection. Your vulnerability, your goals, your fears they’re all parts of you, but they should come out naturally, not because you feel like you need to perform. It’s about building a relationship based on real connection, not on “earning” love. You’ll find that balance between being genuine and intentional by just staying grounded in who you are. And if you feel like you’re changing too much, take a step back and reconnect with the person you were before that’s your true self.

[Author]

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