[Camilla87]

I am in no way commitment phobic and have had proper relationships, but because of how my life is at the moment I felt that a casual relationship would suit me. I’m very busy and have a lot of responsibilities.

So I connected with someone on a dating website who apparently wants the same thing as me and we started seeing each other. Then I felt that he was pressuring me to do things I wasn’t comfortable with so I stopped contact for a while. The problem is that there are some aspects about the sex I have with him that I really enjoy and want. So I ended up getting in contact with him again. The way he behaves though is strange. He says he wants me to do things to prove I want him and he asks to meet up on a certain day and if I can’t, he seems to get annoyed and won’t meet on an alternative suggested by me. It’s like he has to be in control.

I just thought this sort of thing was supposed to be easy. But there is something about his communications with me that upset me amd make me stressed. I wish I didn’t have this feeling of wanting to see him.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

He’s definitely got control issues — but you’ve also gotten the idea that finding a casual sex relationship — which is different from a random hookup — would be easier than it is. Time to readjust your expectations. 😉

Whenever you have a relationship — whether it’s a friendship, a romance or a casual sex relationship, it’s got aspects of a relationship that require the same dynamics as other relationships in your life. You’re looking for compatibility here, and it sounds like there are some things about him that you like, and others you don’t. In any relationship, compromise, deal making and knowing your deal breakers are all important. I suggest you do the same in this one. Know your deal breakers, which may be particular sex acts you’re not comfortable with, and the things that annoy you but aren’t deal breakers, like his schedule — that maybe you can compromise on by agreeing to meet on those days, but only places you want to meet, or only every other month — you get the idea, I’m sure! 🙂

Hope that helps.

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[Camilla87]

April – many thanks for your reply. I think you are right that there are things I like and things I don’t like. But I seemed to be hooked on the intensity of the sex. On the other hand, I don’t like his insensitivity and lack of respect when he pushes me to do positions which hurt, for example. My feeling is that I shouldn’t see someone who makes me upset.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

That’s sound judgment. 😉

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