[pisces2460]

I have been friends with a man for about 12 years. He plays in a band in an area that I work in. We have always talked after every set (30min) and hung out after every show. He moved away 5 years ago, and we lost contact. About a year ago he moved back and started in the band he used to play in. We started talking after every set and hanging out like we used to and even kept in touch when he was not in town(he lives 6 hours away) and things picked up where they left off. About 4 months ago he was in town and we ended up sleeping together. He invited me to his home and even helped plan the trip. Things got a bit weird, and I told him there was no chemistry he agreed and we decided to stay friends. After a few messages (2) on FB I noticed he had not replied. I asked him what was wrong. He answered I am tired of your babble. Please EFF off. I was hurt and shocked. After that he deleted me off FB and that was it. Because he comes to town and plays where i work, I have no choice but to see him. After 3 months of him ignoring me and me wondering what happened, I walked up to him and said “what, you can’t say hi anymore” he turned around with a huge smile on his face and talked to me as if nothing had happened. He complimented my hair, asked about work, life, my son, and even noticed my new glasses and told me he really liked them. After talking for about 1/2 hour, I decided to leave. He gave me a huge hug and told me how happy he was that we got a chance to talk. Then continued to hug me for almost 5 minutes not saying a word. He then asked if I would come see him play he would be in town for 2 weeks. I said yes. The first time I went to see him he talked touched my arm and looked me in the eye the entire time. He was even late for his set. The next time, I ended up going to talk to him. I looked him in the eye and was attentive. He looked as if he was fleeing from the plague and even turned to walk away mid conversation. The last night he was here, he came over to talk and helped me with telling me sites to see and places to go on my trip. The trip was initially to see him play. When I asked him if he was still going to show me around, he said let me check my schedule. I took no offense to him saying this because I know he is working, however, there is a huge awkwardness between us and things are not the same. Our friendship has now become awkward and uncomfortable, and I am not sure how to fix it. I want to talk to him about it, but am afraid that it will do more damage than good, but then again, I am not sure why he is so awkward around me if we mutually decided to stay friends. The trip is in a week, and I am going alone, as that is how it was planned. I am totally comfortable in my own skin, and am not worried about being alone the entire trip, but i am unsure as to what kind of mood he will be in when I get there. Is there any way to fix things and make our friendship more comfortable again.. Please help

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If a guy tells you he’s not talking to you, in this way: [quote]…I am tired of your babble. Please EFF off…[/quote] It’s time for you to make a beeline for the exit door. This is not how someone who cares about you in any way, will speak to you. 😳

This is a guy you’ve known because he plays in a band where you work, and who you “ended up sleeping with”. 😕 It doesn’t sound like he ever dated you or tried to win you over. Please remember that men have sex because they can. And often, women try to leverage the sex into emotions. That’s what you’re doing here.

You continued to chase him, and he continued to blow you off, but you didn’t take the hint, and made plans to drive somewhere for a week to see him play. 😯

You’re chasing a guy — a musician who plays in a traveling band, no less — and trying to fix a friendship that doesn’t exist.

And the reason you’re confused is because you aren’t accepting the rejection, and worse, you keep going back for more. I’m sorry to be harsh, but you really need to understand he’s not Mr. Right by a long shot, and if you don’t see that, you’re going to set yourself up for more and more “confusion” 🙄 that is really disappointment over rejection.

Time to move on — and please read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], the book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right — so you don’t have to go through this kind of pain any more. 😉

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