[Furniture21]

In a nutshell……I started seeing a guy not long after I seperated from my husband. He was really supportive, never messed me about and spoke of our future together. All was great until I unintentionally made him feel like I wasn’t as into him as he was me. As a result he ended things. He said he felt that I should be on my own to sort my divorce out. He said that once things were settled we could see how things are, but could go straight back into a relationship with me as it had been really hard for him. Not long after that I said I couldn’t handle not knowing what was going on between us so he said call it a day completely. We have remained friends continue to text and speak, and he comes to see me every few weeks. He sometimes rings me when I’ve text about something. If he calls to see me he can often stay for a couple of hours, even though he starts by saying he won’t stay long. He sometimes seems nervous and like something is on his mind, other times he’s relaxed. We still laugh together and I feel like he gives me mixed signals. When we speak he always refers to something about when we were together. It’s strange being such good friends. Does he just still care but not want to be together, or is he just waiting for me to sort things out personally but doesn’t want to say that because he knows it stresses me out. I just feel like I can’t move on. I would have thought if he didnt still have feelings he wouldn’t bother to be in touch or see me at all. Totally confused and need an honest answer.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think he’s waiting for you to get divorced. 😉 What are you waiting for?

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[Furniture21]

Thanks for your reply. Im waiting for my divorce to be done, its been a messy one and will take at least another 2 months. Should I just try keep things as they are until things settle? Or would it better to stop contact? I have my own place now, so could have a relationship, thats why Im confused he hasn’t tried to start things up again if thats how he feels, but like you say he might just want things to be all settled with me properly. Would he risk leaving me to be on my own for a while to sort things out and maybe lose me, if he cares about me and wants to be with me?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

In general, it’s always a good idea to get divorced before you start dating, especially if the divorce is like yours — messy. 😉 However…. sometimes people say things to get out of a relationship, because they don’t want drama, and they don’t really mean what they say. It’s just a way to exit the relationship. In other words, he may have just decided he was done — and didn’t want to tell you that and endure your hurt, so he said what he said instead, to get himself out. My advice is not to contact him. If he contacts you, you’ll know that he’s interested, and if he doesn’t, you’ll know that he’s not.

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[Furniture21]

Ok thank you. It’s going to be hard but I will follow your advice. Any advice on how I can park it in my own mind? I keep hanging onto hope which makes me feel pathetic, it’s so not like me. I need to take control don’t I and say it’s over for good to myself because I’m making that decision to not contact him. I’ve turned down other guys numbers because I think if I dated someone else it would mean it’s truely over with him, which is just crazy because he probably wouldn’t do the same. I just wish he wouldn’t give such mixed signals and continue to confuse me, I could cope if we were really just to remain friends. I sound nuts! I’ve read this back, feelings are such hard things to understand. Thank you for your good advice. I know you are right.

[Furniture21]

Just one more thing 😀 generally do guys not bother staying friends? I ask this because if he does instigate staying in touch would it be right to assume he is still interested? (Not just hope he is!) There has never been any hint of ‘friends with benefits’ I wouldn’t entertain that, and I know he would never manipulate the situation into that as he’s just not like that. Thank you, again! 😆

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Get divorced before you date any more. Take the next few months to be single, while your divorce is pending. Having that breather will help calm your mind. Getting a divorce is a big deal. I know you want to rush into a new relationship, but it will serve you will to hit the pause button on your life and just breathe, be single, and don’t date until you’re legally single.

And since you’re newly single, understand that men and women can’t be friends. It’s way too confusing, and one person always wants more than the other at some point. If you’re clear on this, then your dating life will be a lot easier. 🙂

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[Furniture21]

Thank you, I know your right, everything you say. I needed to hear it from someone else! x

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good luck to you! 😀

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[Ethan Morales]

Mixed signals are exactly that signals that keep you hooked without committing. Men who genuinely want to re-start a relationship usually make that easier: they say it, show up consistently, or at least set a clear timeline. Staying in touch and dropping by sometimes is not proof he’s still fully “in” it’s proof he cares enough to keep the connection open. That may mean romantic interest still exists, or it may simply mean he values you as a safe, comforting presence while he figures out his life. Either way, it leaves the burden of decision on you and that’s unfair.

What to do practically (boundaries you can set now): Decide on one of two clear paths and act like it: (A) No contact for now tell him kindly but firmly you need space while the divorce finishes, then stop initiating and limit replies to essential things only; or (B) Clear timeline conversation ask for one short, direct conversation (phone/coffee) where you say, “I’m sorting my life and I need to know if you want us to try again after my divorce. If you do, say it now. If not, please don’t keep me hanging.” If he won’t give a straight answer, choose No Contact anyway. Vagueness is permission for him to keep you waiting.

How to “park it” in your mind (daily tools): Create external barriers and mental anchors: delete his photos/alerts from your phone, unfollow/mute for now, and set small daily rituals that replace the habit of checking for him a 10-minute morning journal entry, a short walk, a call to a friend. Use a two-sentence mantra you repeat when you want to reach out (“I’m choosing peace; I’m focusing on my divorce and me”) and put it as a note on your phone home screen. Replace one “thinking-about-him” hour with one “doing-for-me” hour each day for the next 30 days.

How to handle hope and other people: Hope is human you’re allowed to feel it but don’t let it paralyze you. Treat dating other people as a test of non-attachment, not betrayal. Saying yes to another date doesn’t “prove it’s over with him” to anyone but you; it proves you’re living. If you find someone else interesting, explore it slowly. If you’re not ready, that’s fine too but make the choice actively, not by default because you’re waiting.

If he reaches out (script + stance): If he comes back asking for “a chat” and you want clarity: “I need clarity. Either we commit to exploring us after my divorce, or I need space to move on. I can’t sit in the middle.” If you choose No Contact and he texts: respond once kindly and brief then stop: “Thanks for checking. I’m taking some space to sort my divorce. Wishing you well.” Then block/mute if it continues. You keep the power by deciding once and sticking to it.

Letting go (even temporarily) isn’t giving up it’s giving yourself priority. You’re in the middle of a huge life change; you deserve someone who steps up rather than one who keeps you emotionally simmering. If he truly wants you, clarity or absence will create it. If he doesn’t, you’ll be freed to meet someone who will. For now: pick the boundary (No Contact or a one-time timeline talk), set the practical barriers, and protect your energy until your divorce is final.

[Tara]

You screwed up. He ended the relationship the moment he felt you weren’t as invested, and instead of fighting for it, he protected himself and walked. Everything he’s doing now texting, visiting, staying longer than planned, reminiscing isn’t a sign he wants you back. It’s a sign he likes the emotional comfort you give him without having to take on the responsibility of being your partner. You call it mixed signals, but it’s really just emotional crumbs he has no problem feeding you because it makes him feel good while keeping the risk low. If he truly wanted a relationship, he would step up and say so. Men don’t sit around quietly “waiting for the right time” to come back; they act. He told you everything you needed to know when he said to call it a day, and everything since then has been him enjoying the connection while you stay stuck in limbo. Stop confusing his friendliness with romantic intent. He’s not your future he’s your comfort zone. And until you cut this off, you’re going to keep wasting emotional energy on a man who already chose not to be with you.

[Natalie Noah]

He genuinely cares for you but is hesitant to step into a committed relationship until your divorce is fully finalized. His behavior staying in touch, visiting, laughing together, and reminiscing about the past does show that he values your connection. But the mixed signals you’re feeling are a natural outcome of this limbo. He’s trying to balance his feelings for you with respect for the complicated situation you’re in, while you’re left in a place of uncertainty and longing. This emotional gray zone can make it feel impossible to move forward or gain clarity, and it’s normal to feel frustrated, anxious, or “stuck.”

The healthiest approach right now is to focus on yourself while respecting the space your situation requires. April’s advice about not contacting him unless he initiates is spot-on it protects your heart from unnecessary stress and helps you regain a sense of control. By mentally deciding that it’s over for now, you’re giving yourself permission to focus on healing, completing your divorce, and rebuilding your own life without relying on hope or mixed signals. It’s not about giving up on him forever; it’s about taking ownership of your emotional well-being so you’re not trapped in uncertainty.

It’s important to set realistic expectations for “friendship” with an ex or someone who has feelings for you. Often, when one person still has romantic interest, friendship alone becomes complicated and can feed hope that may not be reciprocated in the way you want. The next few months of being single while your divorce finalizes are an opportunity to recalibrate, focus on yourself, and allow the situation to naturally reveal his intentions. When the time is right, you’ll have a clearer picture of whether he’s ready for more, or whether it’s time to fully close this chapter and create space for someone new who can meet you where you are.

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