[GummyBears68527]

Hi I would just like to ask advice from you love experts 🙂

I have known this guy for almost 3 years now and he had been courting me I think since then. I’m a banker and he is a nurse. He is 2 years older than me.

We went out once in a while, text hours everyday but me being a “no-boyfriend-since-birth”, I’m always shy and cautious.
He told me he loves me for several times but I usually changed the topic as a way of turning him down for the meantime. I think I was ready to accept his love that time but I was scared and confused because a lot of factors were hindering me — my family doesn’t like him, I’m juggling work and school, have low self-esteem because I thought I’m not too good for him.

He’s the guy who likes to go out with his friends always. He’s also kinda close to most girls. In fact, he has a girl bestfriend for more than 10 years already. As far as I can remember, he never introduced me to his close friends except for his family.

Late of last year, he announced that he will work abroad. I know he was happy because he waited for this opportunity so long. I’m happy for him but sad also coz he’s going far. As the time of his flight departure comes near, he became busy spending farewell time with his friends. But he promised me that we go out again before he leaves.

So, he asked me out beforehand. I was so excited but later on that date day, he texted me to postpone it due to her bad mother’s condition so, I did understand him and we decided to go out the next day. The next day, I asked him if we’re good later but he replied that he forgot that he has some occassion to attend to — a birthday party of his godchild. I was sad but still, I let it pass and decided to again move it the next day. But then, he asked me if we could again move it the next day coz his friends from the party invited him to go on an out of town overnight. I was already angry and did not text him for days. He was asking sorry but again, I let it pass.

He is almost 8 months there staying abroad. We are now 8,000 miles apart, with 8 hours time gap. Still, we viber each other, update happenings in our lives, he’s still sweet. We would text like we are girlfriend-boyfriend. He would try to message me everyday and I appreciate his effort despite his business there.

But of course, he needs to adapt to his new environment and that means meeting new friends. He talks about his new circle of friends (all girls but of same citizenship with us) who he describes them kids because he is like 9 years older than them. I don’t know but I tend to get jealous because they spend overnights watching movies, they always hang out and try out new activities/food. But he said I should not act that way because I’m important to him, he will always be there for me, he wants me to stay whatever happens.

I don’t know if this is an effect of separation anxiety but many times we fought about this. I have the last message on viber and he always “seen-zone” me. I would wait for hours, sometimes a day for his reply but still nothing though I can see that he is online everytime on facebook. I mean logically speaking, he had time to like and have conversations on pics of other girls on Facebook, Instagram but couldn’t say hi to me or atleast let me know, his whereabouts so I will understand why he doesn’t reply. I’m always hurt when that happens but I let him explain and forgive him all over again. I always pain myself in return of the want that I don’t want to lose him.

But recently he did it again that I feel I really had enough. I was so angry that decided to uninstall my Viber so that no more pictures, video and voice messages remembrance from him. I don’t like his posts anymore either on IG and FB but I did not remove him as friend on FB.

But I really miss him that I always cry and hope that he would find a way to reconcile. I mean, if this “relationship” of ours is important to him, if he wants to save it, then he would do ways. But sadly, days passed. I always see him post on IG and FB, have convos with his friends but still no message from him. So I thought, he has moved on with his life. He is now enjoying the physical presence of his new friends and at the same more interested to take time with his other friends especially his girl bestfriend. I saw that he updates her more, like he lets her help choose to buy shoes online via sending pic messages. Before, he lets me do it too. I mean, he tells me and send me pics even the most little things he do like what he cooks, his just woke up and before going to work selfies, his travel adventures, his grocery shopping and even a pic of him and his mom skyping. 🙁

I will always love him and just pray that he will be okay always. I hope he will find whoever will make him happy. It’s really hard to be far from each other and expect things though you don’t really have the commitment.

So maybe it is really time to let go just like what I always tried to do before but failed coz I still kept on coming back for him. I loved him eversince but his feelings for me is fading away so maybe I should do the same too though it’s hard for me. I’ll do it if that makes him happy.

You think I did the right thing? Please advice me further. Thank you so much.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like there are a couple of problems:

1. You put yourself in the friend zone with this guy, and never flirted with him or let him know you were interested in dating. 🙁 If you like a guy and want to date him, then you have to give him something to chase after, so he knows that you’re interested. 🙂

2. After 3 years in the friend zone, he went abroad. And it doesn’t like he’s coming back anytime soon. So you’re feeling regret for the missed opportunity. 🙁 This is one of the worst feelings — worse than rejection. If you decide that you don’t want to feel this again, then use it as a catalyst to get out there and live life so you can enjoy and be happy! 😀 If like someone, let them know. Flirting is a great tool to do this. 🙂

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