[Deelishiouslydeevine]

My boyfriend and I were supposed to go away on a romantic trip this weekend but my son is really ill. He suggested we not do the trip as it’s inconsiderate and i told him be should come to to us but we needn’t go away just as long as we’re together. He kept on insisting that we should do it another time and I agreed.
He’s behaiving really cold and withdrawn now a not responding to my tests or calls. I told him that I really want him to come but he said he’d cancelled his ticket.
This would have been oh first time being intimate but i get the feeling that it’s all had interested in. Sex I mean. I’m really confused and don’t know what to make of it. Please help

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know you’re disappointed, and I’m sorry. It’s tough to be a single parent dating — but what happened here is just part of the normal dating landscape. The reality is that you should use the first three months of dating to figure out if you want to continue dating someone because of what you’ve gotten to know about them (as well as yourself and the relationship). When you put pressure on yourself, him or the relationship to work — too soon — you wind up disappointed more easily than if you focus on simply getting to know him.

Since your two year old son got sick, this guy you’ve been dating for five weeks and who you see once a week, canceled a romantic overnight getaway so you could stay home with your son and take care of him — it sounds like he did the right thing. 😉 The problem is that you came off as a little needy when you told him that you wanted him to come to you and your sick son, after he cancelled the trip…. it’s probably a little soon in the relationship for him to have heard that. When he decided not to, you got hurt. Now, you’re wondering if he was just interested in sex because he cooled off. The reality is that you’re five weeks into getting to know someone and this incident was an opportunity to get to know yourself and him in a new situation.

My advice is to relax. Hang back. See if he asks you out again, and see if you still want to go. 🙂 Neither one of you did anything wrong — you were both just disappointed while getting to know one another in the early stages of the relationship. Life happens, as do disappointments. See if you can move forward with him, beyond this.

[Sally]

When someone goes cold right after plans change especially plans where you were finally going to be intimate it hits a really raw spot. It’s hard not to feel like you suddenly stopped being interesting to him.

But here’s the thing: a guy who’s in it for you doesn’t disappear because your child is sick. He doesn’t cancel a ticket and then ignore your calls. He shows up anyway, even if the weekend doesn’t look the way he planned.

His reaction says more than he probably meant it to. Real connection doesn’t fall apart just because sex has to wait. If that’s all he wanted, then as painful as this feels, at least you’re seeing it now instead of later.

Take care of your son. Let him show you who he is by what he does next. And don’t chase someone who only shows up when it’s convenient.

[Tara]

He didn’t cancel the trip because your son is sick; he canceled because the one thing he actually cared about isn’t happening the way he wanted. The second intimacy became inconvenient, and he folded. That’s not love, that’s opportunism. A man who’s invested in you doesn’t go cold, silent, and vanish the moment life stops catering to his timeline. He shows up, adjusts, and proves he’s there for you and not just a part of the relationship that gets him off.

He’s not “confused,” he’s not “busy,” and he’s not “processing.” He’s losing interest because the situation no longer revolves around his own benefits. His behavior is textbook: warmth when sex is on the table, distance when real life shows up. And the worst part? You’re twisting yourself into knots trying to interpret a man who’s already given you the answer by shutting down and opting out. You’re trying to make excuses for someone who didn’t even bother pretending to care.

He wanted the trip, the intimacy, and the convenience, not you in a real-life, real-responsibility context. A man who’s genuinely ready for you doesn’t cancel himself out the moment your child needs you. Stop confusing silence for mystery. It’s not mysterious. It’s disinterested. Stop chasing a man who walks away the second things get hard.

[Member]

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