[Alley1700]

Thanks for your response, April. I have seen a doctor, but there is really nothing they can do. It’s just something I have to live with and hope that someone is willing to catch it in order to be with me, which is what I am struggling with. No one wanted me before I had this. Who would want me now?? I let this guy walk all over me, and in the end I have been left all alone while he gets his dream girl. It’s not fair. I know I should have ended things a long time ago, but I was so head over heels for him that I could not bring myself to do it. I was so blinded by love for him and I wanted it to work out so badly that I let him use me. I feel so angry at myself for this. How do I make myself stop thinking about him? I am so caught up in what he is currently doing with her that I literally cannot think about anything else. I am still in so much pain. Should I just start trying to date again to forget about him?

[Ask April Masini]

It sounds like you understand your part in this unhealthy relationship, but you’re not ready to get healthy yet. 🙁 When your desire to have a happy, healthy relationship, is greater than your desire to be in this painful one, then you’ll be ready to move on. For now, it sounds like you haven’t hit rock bottom. 😕 Sadly, this means you’re in for more pain.

You have to decide you’re ready to get healthy, and then take the steps to do so — which mean focusing on you, not him and not her. Go volunteer to take your mind off your own problems — people with cancer, veterans home from challenging deployment and animals who’ve been abandoned are all beings with bigger problems than you have, so if you can focus on helping instead of wallowing in victimhood, you’ll start to stop thinking of him and start focusing on good. 🙂 Your work and career are probably great ways to focus your energy on what’s positive, and seeing supportive and nurturing friends and family, so you’re to lonely, are also good ways to stop focusing on him.

The ball is in your court 100 percent, but you have to want to do the work. If you don’t, and until you do, there’s nothing I can do to help you. 😥

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[PassionSeeker]

Alley, I can feel how exhausted and hurt you are and I don’t blame you. You’ve spent a long time hoping this man would finally give you what you’ve been giving him: care, consistency, respect. But everything in what you’ve written shows he never will. He’s not a man working through his issues he’s a man using his “issues” as an excuse to keep you around on his terms.

The truth is, he showed you exactly who he was early on emotionally unavailable, selfish, and content to take what you offered without ever giving back. You kept holding on because you wanted the potential, not the reality. But you don’t need to wait for him to choose you; you can choose yourself now.

HSV-1 doesn’t make you unworthy of love. Millions of people live with it and still have full, happy relationships. It doesn’t define you, and it doesn’t end your chances at intimacy. What it does mean is that next time, you’ll choose better because now you know what not to accept. Let this be your final heartbreak from him, not your reason to give up.

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