[help123]

where to start 2 years ago i started dating this guy (lets say X). he was the nicest thing ever. im 22 and so is he.i left him for someone else (lets call him Y) after a month of dating, i realized that Y was not treating me the way X was. i was infatuated and i had let that blinded my judgment. X was really trying to get me back anyway he could. He stood up to Y and told him he was not going to give up that easy. me and Y all we did was fight over X, he just couldn’t get over the fact X liked me so much and he became so insecure. i decided to cut things off with this guy and go back to X whom i cared for. 2 months after this incident i started to find out he was talking to females over facebook. i was instantly hurt but couldn’t really say much after what had happened. He apologized and we made an agreement. he wasn’t really going to have female friendships to not intervene in our relationship and i wasn’t either. but that didn’t happen. i found out messages and conversations girl after girl, i would always forgive since it wasn’t actually cheating. until one day i’ve had enough and stopped caring. well as this happened he started to care so much is like a switch in roles. i wouldn’t smother him so much and kind of let him be. now it was him who would be on me and care for me, he really changed and till this day he hasn’t hurt me in fact he deleted his facebook and any kind of temptation. i kind of felt guilty not caring as much but everytime i thought of how much he had hurt me it just made me mad and angry towards him so i would push him away. well the sex is great, but lately i feel as though im just so confused over our situation .. one minute im so happy with him and we can joke, then all sudden ill have this mood switch, he’ll say something little to get me mad and i can’t stand to be around him and become so mean. im not bipolar but sometimes i feel like i become that way only towards him. i know he is getting tired of my attitudes and i really love him. he has so much patience and everytime i get mad he ignores it as if he’s accustomed to it going away. sometimes i don’t want to be with him but i know how much i care for him and i refuse to let him go. i dont know how to control my emotions and either get over him or stay with him. i know i dont want anyone else so y do i push him away?

Am i crazy? do i really love him? y am i acting like this?
any advice is welcomed..

[Ask April Masini]

You’re not being genuine with yourself about who you are, what you want, what you like and what you don’t like. That’s what’s confusing to you. You’re trying to do “the right thing,” but you’re not clear on what the right thing is. You rejected Mr. X from the get go, and then went back to him only because you weren’t happy with Mr. Y, and Mr. X was trying to win you back from another man (men love winning things). When you acquiesced, I think you tried too hard to make your relationship with Mr. X work when really, very early on, he wasn’t behaving in a way that you liked — or respected. That respect is the glue of relationships. When you finally did become genuine about not caring for his Facebook flirting, you stopped caring about winning him. And frankly, that’s all you ever really had with him — this competition. On some level, he realized you’d stopped caring about this, and about him, and that he’d loose you if he didn’t do something differently, and the tables turned: he tried to win you over. You bowed to this dynamic again, but you didn’t stop to realize that he’s not Mr. Right 😕

Now, you have to realize that you’re trying too hard to make your relationship with Mr. X work — and at best you’re getting a mediocre relationship with good sex, and deep down, you know there’s more to life out there for you — but not with this guy.

There is more to life than Mr. X and Mr. Y and it’s time for you to decide what you want in a man and in a relationship. I suspect that your desires are different now than they were two years ago, and it’s time for you to recreate your life by breaking up with Mr. X and getting back out there and looking for Mr. Right instead! 😀

[help123]

Thanks for the advice, i guess is easier said than done. Especially when things are going good and i feel like is me complicating things in my mind. It makes the situation so much harder!

[Ask April Masini]

Glad I could help! 😀 Try slowing down and thinking about what you feel and what you do when you feel it and when you do it. That’s an exercise that will help you become more self aware. The more self aware you are, the more you can correct any behavior that isn’t genuine.

I know it’s hard, but I know you’re bright enough to do it, too. 😀

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