[breanna]

Okay, so a few months ago after my boyfriend (#1) and I broke up, I heard that he hung out with another ex of mine (#2) and was saying how all I wanted was dick, and other bad things about me. I was hesitant to believe this stuff, mainly because ex #2 still had feelings for me.

About a month ago I started seeing ex #1 again and things were going great (or so I thought). Let me start by saying that he really doesn’t drink at all, he’s a light weight and can’t handle his liquor. That being said, I invited him to a couple of “parties” where he could spend time with me and my friends, and drink, even though he said he wouldn’t be having much. One of the nights he was mad at me because I left with his debit card to get food instead of ordering in, and I forgot to tell him the change of plans. Both nights he decided to stay up when I went to bed, and just wanted to talk and smoke with my friends and ignored me because he was mad- but I didn’t even know he was mad until the next day when I asked him, he was just straight up not interested in anything I had to say, only my friends’ words. I heard later that he was talking bad about me AGAIN, he told a [b]friend of mine[/b] that all I wanted was dick, so this was the second time. I figured he was saying this because I was easing into a relationship but I was scared to be bf/gf because we’ve had issues dating in the past and I didn’t want to rush into it, but we were still having sex.

I also heard from my friends that they thought he was weird and I didn’t know why, but apparently he was asking my (girl) friends to kiss him, and in the past he kissed a guy friend of mine, and even though he (ex #1) is straight. The thing that hurts me is the saying “drunk words are sober thoughts.”

I would be willing to forget all this and just keep working at a relationship, except for the fact that he wouldn’t admit that he said any of these things. He seems to think that once I make up my mind about something (the things people told me he said) nothing he says could change it, but in my mind that is a completely guilty excuse of his. All he would talk about is the debit card thing and tried to force me into admitting it was wrong of me, but he wouldn’t give my words the light of day. I’m not sure if I should just ask him not to drink, or if it’s some deeper-rooted problem.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Don’t listen to gossip. If you weren’t there to see it, then let it go, and don’t nurture gossipy relationships you have with others. That’s going to get rid of a lot of “noise” in this relationship. It sounds like the big problem you’re having is that you’re hearing (and eliciting) gossip from a lot of third parties in your life, and now you’re putting your boyfriend on trial by giving him evidence of what he’s said and done to force him to apologize or change his ways. I know you think that this is just him, but it’s not. It’s the dynamic between the two of you that’s the problem and you can keep your side of the road clean by making sure your behavior is impeccable.

If you can’t get past what you hear from others, then you should let go and move on, rather than drag your boyfriend into a drama show. But, frankly, this is something you need to work on whether you’re with this boyfriend or someone else down the line. 😉

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