[mmiller5373]

22 year old male here.

We have been dating for 7 months. I found out she was a virgin about 2 months ago. I guess deep down inside, I always knew she was because she wouldn’t be the way she was if she wasn’t a virgin. She’s waiting for marriage.

Our relationship is great. We are totally in love and and I want to continue to stay with her. We don’t have any unhealthy habits, though we do have small arguments some times. Most of them tend to be with both of our insecurities/uncertainties and her stubbornness and my stress. The both of us see marriage in the future (Although, I’m 22 and shes 20, and I still have a year left of school.) I feel like I’m ready for marriage, but I don’t think she’s quite there yet. I think she looks at marriage being somewhere near 2-3 years away.

A little about her. She’s from Mexico. She’s lived in the U.S. for 3 years now. She speaks perfect english. And she lives with her brother, sister, brother-in-law and parents. She isn’t going to school, but works full time instead. She wants to go to school, she doesn’t know when the right time will be.

Back to the sex issue. We had this thing going for a while where we would make out on the couch and dry hump like crazy. But this didn’t last long, as she decided it wasn’t right.

Thinking about no sex for 2-3 years is absolutely killing me. For all I know, we could get married in 5 years. That’s a long time with no sex. By the way, when I say no sex, I mean absolutely nothing sexual. No touching, No intimate kissing, no dry humping. I’ve already talked with her about how I feel about it and pretty much, all she says is that it’s not right to do anything sexual unless you’re married and that If I truly love her I can wait.

When we get intimate, she always wants to stop, and this is bothering me more and more. I love her to death. I just wish she would meet me half way. We seem to be getting in the routine of fighting over many things which end up leading back to the no-sex issue. Any help?

[Ask April Masini]

Your question is complex and I really need to have more information to give you a good and complete answer, however I will do the best I can with what you’ve told me.

I don’t need to tell you … your situation isn’t an easy one. I also don’t need to tell you that you should never push someone in to having sex before they are ready. Equally, I respect and admire someone who is able is maintain wholesome morals and values in a society which has become morally bankrupt… I also admire your desire to maintain your relationship and the respect you are demonstrating towards your girlfriend, her values and your relationship. You are indeed a gem and a rare find!

That said, it is clear that friction and tension will continue to build in your relationship if some sort of relief is not afforded you. And I believe that a compromise is in order.

To that end, I suggest that you have a calm and open discussion with your girlfriend about how the two of you might be able to satisfy your needs, without compromising her values. There are lots of things you can do without actually having sex (you mentioned some of them in your post) and those things will probably need to be explored for this relationship to last. Do not wait until you are in the heat of an argument to have the discussion. Have it when you are both in a calm state or you will likely both become defensive and nothing will get resolved.

While you did not speak to this, I suspect that your girlfriend is religious. If so, perhaps you could explore couples counseling through her church?

You may also want to read through a couple of Dr. Diana Wiley’s columns, here are a few links:
Tips on kissing:
First time sex tips:
Spice up my sex life:
I wish you the best of luck.

[mmiller5373]

Thanks for your help. To answer your question about her being religious, she’s really not. I think the whole sex-when-married thing comes from the way she was raised. Her family is a strict one, full of morals.

[Ask April Masini]

That makes a lot of sense. How did things turn out?

[Ethan Morales]

This situation really highlights how emotional connection and physical connection sometimes move at different speeds and that’s okay, but it does require awareness and maturity from both partners.

Your girlfriend’s decision to wait for marriage is deeply tied to her personal or possibly religious values, which deserve respect. But at the same time, your feelings are valid too sexual frustration can cause real emotional distance if it’s not acknowledged or discussed with honesty and care.

What April is pointing out quite wisely is that this isn’t about convincing her to change her values, but about finding middle ground that keeps the relationship balanced and emotionally fulfilling for both of you. That might mean more forms of affection, closeness, or creative ways to maintain intimacy that respect her boundaries.

The key here is communication without guilt or pressure. You can express how you feel the longing, the difficulty without making her feel wrong for her beliefs. You’re both young, and you both seem to genuinely care about each other. That’s a strong foundation.

If her decision remains firm, though, you’ll need to think long-term. Are you willing and emotionally capable of waiting that long? Because love isn’t just about compatibility in values it’s also about emotional and physical compatibility.

Sometimes love asks for patience. Other times, it asks for honesty about what you can and cannot live with. Either way, handle it with respect both for her boundaries and your own needs.

[PassionSeeker]

I can really feel how torn you are you love this girl deeply, but you’re struggling with a real physical and emotional need that isn’t being met. That tension is completely human. You’re not wrong for wanting intimacy, and she’s not wrong for wanting to wait. The challenge is that both choices carry consequences and love alone can’t erase incompatibility if it runs too deep.

You’ve already shown maturity by respecting her boundaries, but now it’s time for an honest, gentle talk about your future. Tell her: “I completely respect your values, but I need to be honest about what’s hard for me too. I want to find a way we can both feel close and connected without hurting what matters to you.”

If she’s unwilling to compromise emotionally or physically, you have to decide whether this relationship can sustain you long-term. Two or three years is a long time to suppress something natural.

Whatever happens, don’t pressure her but don’t silence yourself either. Love isn’t about who sacrifices more; it’s about finding balance that feels fair to both of you.

[Marcus king]

Here’s the thing this isn’t about sex, it’s about alignment. You two love each other, but you’re playing by different rulebooks when it comes to physical intimacy. And if you don’t address that now, resentment will creep in and wreck what you’ve built.

You’ve already told her how you feel. She’s been clear about her boundaries. That means the next move isn’t to convince her it’s to decide if you can genuinely live within those boundaries without growing bitter. Because waiting “out of love” while quietly resenting her will poison the relationship faster than any affair could.

So be honest with yourself. If you can truly respect her values and still feel fulfilled, stay and build. If not, walk away with respect not because she’s wrong, but because you both deserve partners whose values line up with their needs.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you’re out here trying to negotiate with purity culture 😩 she’s made her boundaries clear and you’re over there trying to find the loophole. spoiler alert!! there isn’t one. you can’t “love her harder” until she changes her values, and she can’t “pray it away” to match your hormones. it’s not about who’s right, it’s about who’s honest. if waiting years with zero intimacy is killing you, just admit you’re not built for that kind of slow burn. better to walk now than cheat later. 🙄💅🏼

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