[zawatscm]

Hi. So Im a new user to this website, and need some advice on a situation that I am in with a guy that I honestly really like.

So, I met this guy about two months ago. We hit it off really well, things were great, and I had known that his mom was really sick. She was at the end stages of dying of cancer, and I did my best to be really supportive, and understanding when he needed space. We spent most of our free time together, and both admitted that we were fairly sure that this was a perfect fit, but we agreed with his mom being sick, that he should focus more on family and tending to his mom for the time being, and that I could patiently wait until he was set. I didnt need a label, and i wanted him to not need to feel the strains of maintaining a full fledged relationship with his personal .responsibilities with a dying parent

So time goes on, his mom gets sicker, and she passes away about a week and a half ago. The morning his mom died, I was with him, and he asked that I stay with him that day, and he not be alone. So, I did that….. he told me how much it meant to him that i was willing to do that, just being with him as he greived. Since that time, and over the past week and a half, hes told me how depressed he is. He doesnt want to talk to anyone or be around ppl, and he specifically told me he doesnt want to push me away, but i do feel pushed away.

I realize this sounds selfish, and i dont want to sound or come off that way, I really really care about him, and want to give him the space and time he needs. I recently went out with friends this weekend and he came along and spent the evening. He told me how much he missed me and how beautiful i was, and then he left early the next morning and well its been two days and we comminucate daily but very little.

Basically, the advice i need is, how do i handle this situation? I really like him and I want to patiently wait for him, but I slightly feel like perhaps hes not that into me, or maybe he really is just that depressed and needing to be alone. Im 26, hes 27, and as a nurse I really do have compassion, and am empathetic, this is just foreign to me, dealing with this on a personal level.

Also, does his behavior seem to be the normal part of the grieving process for someone that is in a new relationship and has lost someone? What can I do to help him, other than letting him know daily that i am there for him? I appreciate any feedback.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Everybody handles grief differently, but pushing people away is as common as gathering them close. So, yes, his behavior is normal. Especially since the two of you only know each other for a few months — he may be gathering those who’ve known him and his mom for years, closer. And that’s normal, too.

Time is going to tell if he’s into you or not, so balance patience with analysis. That means understanding that grief takes it’s own schedule, and that you have to be patient, but that you also have to date smart and pay attention to the signs that will let you know if he’s interested in you or not.

Let him come to you, and don’t be too available in spite of the death of his mom because you’ve been there and you will be there — but as his girlfriend, not as a friend. 😉 I’m sure you’ve been polite, well-mannered and warm with him during this difficult time, but you also don’t want to waste your time with someone who’s not into you, but who isn’t clear on that topic because he’s got other things going on in his life.

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[lovendar]

I will say that this is very common that one has to face griefs and illness in this world. You both should be normal and wait for some days, the things to be normal. I think you both like each other too much is a great sign for your relationships. Keep patience and wait for him to be relaxed.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Member]

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