[Anonymous]

I was wondering what to do on this matter. I have moved in with my girlfriend, she has two children. One is almost 20 and the other is 15. The 15 year old plays basketball in the summer on a league every Tuesday night. She comes home from work at around 5:15 and changes clothes and then leaves for the game at 5:30 with both kids. Now in the time after she changes her clothes she informs me that her ex-husband is going to ride with them to the game. She tells me the son does not have to be there at the game until 7:00 pm, so she needs to go to dinner with the ex and the kids before the game. This really upsets me as it seems that they are still acting like a family when they do this. She states that nothing is going on and that I need to trust her. The thing is that I do trust her and do not think anything is going on between the two of them. It just upsets me that they are still acting as a family when they go to the games. Now I have a daughter as well and she is 16. I work at night so I leave for work at 8:00pm and the girlfriend does not want to take my daughter along as she does not want to explain to her ex who my daughter is, as he does not know that my girlfriend has a live in boyfriend. This is another thing that makes me upset. I know that my daughter is 16 and can stay at home by herself, but she wanted to go to the games with my girlfriend. Am I wrong to think this is a bad thing that they ride together and go to dinner on the basketball nights and does not involve my daughter with them. As my girlfriend has said that she has grown very attached to my daughter and it would just kill her if we broke it off and she did not see my daughter anymore. Please help me to understand this and try to stay together in this relationship

[Anonymous]

I don’t know what to tell you but i’ve been dealing with the exact same thing for the last four years with my boyfriend and his ex wife, but the problem is we have to kids together and they still act like more of a family than we do so my advice is if it doesn’t change GET OUT–BECAUSE ITS NOT GOING TO GET ANY BETTER

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Wow. [b]ESSENCE[/b] has a really tough situation. Four years in a bad family dynamic when you’re not even married is hard to take. 🙁

As for your specific situation, it would help to know how long the two of you have been dating, and when you moved in together. Is there a reason you moved in together rather than just date from your respective homes? Or get married? Is there a reason she doesn’t want her ex-husband to know she has a boyfriend?

Also, how much custody do you have of your daughter and do you have other kids? And how much custody does she have of her minor child? Also, why does the 20 year old still live with mom as opposed to on her own or in a college dorm?

Tell me more, and I’m ready to give you my advice! 😀

[Member]

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