[Anonymous]

Well, I could really need help here!!!! its a very long long long and confusing story.. So, please don’t get bored 🙂
I met this guy randomly and we got along very well from the first time; joking, laughing, making fun of each others, even though it was the first time to see each other. Then in a way or another we got in contact and started talking on the phone and agreed to out for coffee or something. And we did. At this phase we used to talk once or twice a day but for 2 or 3 hours. He told me about his ex girlfriend who he just broke up with and that things are not totally in-between with them.. And I was very supportive, listening to him & giving him advices sometimes. And since then we have been hanging out and talking over the phone a lot. And i had no intentions to go through anything with him.

Also, I would like to tell you that the problem is that: I’m an Arabian girl living, in an Arabian Country and we are of different religions.. So there is noway for an official relationship. But I’m a more liberal regarding people around me here in the community. So there was this day we were joking around and playing a game, where and come the question that everyone has to say something he wants to do right now. He answered that he wants to “kiss me”. Next day we were talking in a random subject and then he suddenly kissed me. I was surprised; as I didn’t see this coming, but it was nice for both of us.
Then 2 days later we went out again with a couple of his friends, we got drunk, and then we’re kissing again.
A couple of days later, he had this talk about the NOWAY relationship due to religions difference., and we decided to keep it friendship and see how things will go… Then the flirting was nice from both sides, and we went through this undefined or unnamed relationship. we started making out and fooling around.

Then he started hesitating; explaining that we shouldn’t be doing this since we can’t be in a relationship bla bla bla. So i answered him “I’m not expecting you to switch your religion or anything and I’m only in this thing for being happy with you and making you happy”. And then we started it again; kissing, making out or fooling around. Then he came one day and told me that we should stop this, again, so I was surprised & devastated. So he explained, and I quote [b]“I think i we should stop it now because I’m that close into falling in love with you”[/b]. Later on in the same day, he explained: [b]“its not that i don’t want to be with you. Its about everything in you is so matching and perfect, but its a dead end relationship and we’ll have to break up in the end”[/b] for the religious reason.
And since then we have been on & off. One day he asks me to keep it friendship and if he asked me for anything more or referred to anything than that, i should tell him ‘NO’. So basically he wants my help to stop this thing from going on. and the other day he’s all around, I’m missing you and being nice to me & flirty. and something anything comes up concerning us he keeps saying that m his best friend.

After wards or at the same time, I can’t remember exactly, his ex showed up again, whom he broke up with because she left the country so its a dead end relationship. she will never come back here and he would never leave the country. They have been fighting all the time; as they couldn’t deal as normal friends. And he would come and talk to tell me everything happened between them and asks for my opinion. But they would never get back to each other and we all know it; me , him, her, his friends. And she started even moving on. In this phase, he used to talk about how much he’s attached with her and that he can’t get over it yet.
And she came back for a vacation and they kept on fighting. And I kept on supporting and listening to him all the time.. Meanwhile we were back for the ‘On Phase’. Everything was nice we talk all the time and we hang out, flirt, kiss, make out, fool around and everything.

He even did this thing which we would never do for ANYONE. He never travels on gets on the high way after sun set. And I had this business trip which was 180 KM away from the place we live, with 2 girls from work. and the car stopped and didn’t wanna move on the way back. So he drove all the way to me and he arrive around 10:30 or 11 PM and took me back home, thought the company had sent us an other car and it was on its way for us and I kept telling him don’t come, It will be fine. Still he came. Justifying his action that he didn’t want me to go home late and be extremely tired next day at work, and that i have been so supportive to him lately so he wanted to do me something nice. Then he said that he did this because he was worried about me and didn’t want me to go home extremely tired. And when i asked him is that the true reason. his answer was very suspicious, i could tell that he was hiding something, he said again that he didn’t want me to go home late and be extremely tired next day at work, and that i have been so supportive to him lately so he wanted to do me something nice.

Lately, we have been hanging out almost everyday, morning and night studying together. And even when I finished exams before him used to go to the place where we study and help him study and precis things to him and write them now.
Then we got in the phase where he gets intimidated by me talking to a guy over the phone in a nice way, not calling to check on him for 3 or 4 hours, or even going on shopping for an hour and half them meeting him as i was late and didn’t call him in this hour and a half though I knew he was upset, or even getting busy in anything for a more than 2 or 3 hours. Sometimes he shows this by fighting with me, others by making fun it, or throwing a word in the middle of the conversation or even just staying quite and treating me differently, till I cheer him up.

Right from the beginning, everyone around us can see that there is something going on between us, even some of our common friends thought we were dating though we were taking care and acting normally in front of them.
Even my 2 best friends thinks that we act as if we are dating or in a relationship, but its just that we are not acknowledging it!!!!!!
and its very weird the way i fell about him. I go crazy whenever he’s mad at me. I go anxious about him when I know there is something wrong and he’s not telling me. Basically, I’m going Crazy.

This is much what has been going on for the last 6 months. And I’m lost here.
I don’t understand does he has feeling for me? and if he has, what sort of feelings? it just physical? are we best friends? are we friends with benefits? am i just a fling?? or what????!!!!
I really need help here. Please tell me what the does this mean?? and tell me what to do

I know its a very long story but I really need help with this. and my friend recommended that you’re the best 🙂

Thanks a Lot 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

The reason you’re confused is that he likes you and you’re dating, but at the same time he’s super confused about how he should behave with you. He’s torn between his personal feelings and his feelings for his religion and culture. He feels like he’s betraying a part of himself by being with you and then he feels that same betrayal of another part of himself by not being with you. Up until now you’ve enabled his duality by allowing secrecy of your relationship so that he doesn’t have to be truthful about his feelings of betraying his religion. It’s no wonder you’re finally getting irritated with the situation.

What you should do, really depends on what you want in a man. You didn’t tell me how old you are, but I think you’re both in college. If you want a boyfriend who is serious about you and will marry you, this guy isn’t a good bet. 🙁 He’s been clear from day one that he has a compatibility conflict with you.

If you’re looking for Mr. Right Now and don’t mind the fact that he’s conflicted with you, then you could probably spend another six months like this, but it doesn’t seem like a good idea to not let other people know that you’re dating. It’s not a very honest existence and eventually you’re going to get frustrated and then angry at yourself, and him.

I hope that helps.

Please join me on Facebook — I’d LOVE to see you there at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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