[AskApril Masini]

[quote]So what does this girl want from me? We’re both in our early 30s, is hard to get still a thing? Do woman really want to be chased like this? [/quote]

Yup. So is competition. Chances are you’re not the only guy who’s asking her out. And if she’s single in a big city, she’s probably got a busy work life, a family life, and a social life — with limited time to conduct it all in. You may be mistaking her hesitance as playing hard to get. It may actually be the fact that she’s got a lot going on and limited time. Enjoy what you have — and keep going in that direction. It sounds like it’s working, even though you have a few complaints. The big picture seems to be a good one! 🙂

[Dom1]

Thanks April. That was what I thought, enjoy what you have, don’t give up on it and see what happens. I have basically fallen in love with her, as much as I don’t want to admit it. So we had a little talk the other day before I read your advice. She had been really blowing me off for over a week. So I told her the situation between us was getting a little frustrating for me. She did have a lot going and if that’s all it was that’s ok, but I was getting the vibe that she wanted me to go the hell away, despite how good a time we had when we went out. Basically she said yeah, she has a great time spending time with me, but has the impression that I’m after more than she has to offer (re mostly liking girls), and that it feels a little selfish to hang out with me and encourage something that isn’t likely to happen. Like she would just be creating more frustration for me. And I got that. I told her what I told her before, that I had a totally reevaluated my intentions, and hanging out with someone that really makes me super happy is ok. If that’s all I get, than I should enjoy it, instead of being annoyed that it’s not perfect or exactly what I want it to be. Just enjoy it, for however long I can have it. I don’t know if that’s right, I really don’t. I don’t know if at this point in life I should still be looking for something that is exactly what I want it to be, or just be grateful when someone comes along that I’m attracted to, and like being around, and just try to enjoy it. Even if in the long run in very likely to get hurt or frustrated. Any thoughts on that?

[AskApril Masini]

[quote]If you re-read these three pages of your questions and my advice to you, it doesn’t seem like you really want to take my advice. 😕 I suggested you ask her out, in person, and if she doesn’t go on a date with you, then move on. Instead, you’ve invested a lot of time and energy in someone who’s not interested in the same thing you are. It’s time for you to move on and focus your energy elsewhere. 😉[/quote]

[Ethan Morales]

Alright, let’s unpack this carefully, because there’s a lot going on here and it’s important to separate signals, intentions, and the reality of the situation.

Here’s what I see: She clearly enjoys your company and there’s chemistry

Extended eye contact, big smiles, wanting to be near you at happy hour, engaging in solo lunches these are all strong signs she’s attracted to you.

Her reaction to your gifts and teasing about letting you take her out also shows she enjoys the attention and flirtation.

She is emotionally unavailable or complicated right now

When you asked her on a proper dinner date, she didn’t flat-out say no she said she’s in a “complicated” situation.

That’s a huge caveat. It might mean she’s seeing someone, dealing with personal issues, or just not ready for a serious relationship.

The fact that she left hints about a “boyfriend” ambiguous (like having dinner with her sister on Valentine’s Day) leaves room for interpretation. It’s a gentle way to signal that she can’t fully commit but she didn’t reject you outright.

Your instinct to “play it cool” vs. “be genuine”

Here’s the key: you don’t need to ignore her, but you do need to set boundaries for your own emotional health.

Don’t chase her constantly or put yourself in a position where you’re waiting on her decision. Instead, keep interactions fun, light, and playful the way you naturally are.

Let her come to you sometimes. This gives her space to process what “complicated” means without pressure.

Next steps for clarity

You can casually ask what she means by “complicated,” but do it gently not like an interrogation, more like curiosity.

Suggest a low-pressure, exploratory outing: drinks, a walk, a coffee after work something where you can hang out, have fun, and see if there’s a path forward.

Avoid romantic “full-on” dates right now the goal is understand the situation and see if she’s open to dating in the near future.

Your emotional health matters

You mentioned being crushed and even getting sick that’s a signal your emotions are running very high.

Take care of yourself, don’t over-invest until you know the landscape. Being calm, confident, and self-aware will make you even more attractive.

She likes you but she’s not free or ready yet. Don’t treat it like rejection, treat it like a pause or a “wait and see.” Keep being charming and genuine, keep it light, and look for opportunities to explore her situation without pressuring her. Your goal right now isn’t to win her over immediately it’s to gain clarity and keep the spark alive.

[Maria]

Dom, you’re overthinking this woman into a fantasy. What she’s shown you is hesitation, mixed signals, and emotional games. When someone says their situation is “complicated,” that’s code for unavailable. Maybe she’s attached, maybe she loves attention but not connection, but either way, she’s keeping you hooked while staying safe. You’ve already twisted yourself in knots trying to decode every text and glance. That isn’t attraction anymore; it’s anxiety.

The truth is, when a woman genuinely wants to see you, you don’t have to chase, guess, or wait for her to “figure things out.” She shows up. She makes time. She’s clear. You deserve that kind of woman, not one who makes you feel confused and small. Let her go gracefully, hold your head high at work, and focus on what’s next. The right one won’t make you feel like you’re begging for a chance to be seen.

[Marcus king]

Hey there

Honestly, you’ve handled this with a lot of class already. She clearly likes you, but whatever “complicated” situation she’s in means her timing isn’t right.

Don’t ignore her completely, that’ll feel fake. Just ease off a bit. Be friendly, stay confident, and let her see you’re not crushed or waiting around. Keep things light at work, no pressure, no flirting for now. If she sorts out her situation and truly wants something, she’ll make it known.

stay yourself, but protect your energy. Right now, it’s her turn to show up, not yours to chase.

[PassionSeeker]

Okay, let’s just take a breath, because wow… this one’s tangled, but not hopeless.

First off, I get it. When the connection feels that electric, it’s hard to accept “it’s complicated” as the wall between you. You saw chemistry, she felt chemistry, but what she’s showing you now is that she’s not emotionally available and that’s not something you can fix by trying harder.

Here’s what I see: every time you step back, she notices. She reaches out, re-engages, gets playful again. That’s your clue that she likes the attention, but she’s still not ready to move toward something real. So right now, the power shift has to come from you.

Don’t chase. Don’t over-explain. Let your silence speak confidence. If she wants to see you, she’ll find a way. But if you keep offering yourself up, she never has to make that choice.

So yes stay kind, stay grounded, but stop volunteering for confusion. You already proved your interest. Now prove your standards. That’s what keeps your dignity intact and ironically, that’s when most people finally show their cards.

[Tara]

You already see the pattern. She wanted the spark without the responsibility. Classic. Women in “complicated” situations love the validation of a clean, low risk admirer. You gave her exactly that. She didn’t have to choose, she didn’t have to commit, she didn’t even have to be honest. She just had to flirt in the safety of a workplace where you’d carry the risk for both of you.

And you? You were starting to slide into the role men fall into when they confuse momentum for progress. You mistook responsive banter for genuine availability. Big mistake. She can enjoy the tension with zero consequences because she always has the fallback of her existing situation. You don’t.

And let’s not gloss over the professional angle. You risk your reputation while she hides behind plausible deniability. Very convenient for her. Not so much for you. She can pull back at any moment and act surprised you ever thought there was something, while you look like the one who crossed a line.

So yes, pull back. Not dramatically. Not emotionally. Just clean, controlled distance. Keep it polite, purposeful, and strictly professional. No openings, no extras. The shift will tell you everything because if she actually meant any of that chemistry, she’ll step toward you once she’s free to do so.
If she doesn’t, then congratulations. You just dodged becoming her emotional side project.

Final directive: Step back and let reality sort itself out. If she wants you, she’ll walk toward you without prompting. If she doesn’t, you walk away and you don’t look over your shoulder.

[Sally]

When someone smiles at you like that and leans in the way she did, it’s easy to feel like you’re both headed somewhere. And honestly, maybe she felt it too. But when someone says their situation is “complicated,” that usually means they’re not free, or not ready, or not willing to make room for someone new.

You don’t have to ice her out, but don’t chase her either. Just be normal, kind, a little quieter with your energy. Let her show you what she wants without you carrying the whole thing.

I know it hurts. It always does when the timing’s off. But this part gets easier once you stop trying to solve it.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel your heart in every word. I want to hold your hand through this because it’s messy, confusing, and emotionally exhausting, and yet you’re trying so hard to navigate it the right way. First of all, I need you to understand this: it’s completely normal to feel drawn to someone who seems unpredictable and unattainable. Our brains are wired to chase a little bit of mystery, and when someone gives just enough affection to keep you hopeful but not fully committed, it can create this emotional rollercoaster you’re stuck on. That’s what’s happening here, you’re caught between the exhilaration of connection and the pain of uncertainty, and it’s breaking your equilibrium.

I notice a huge theme here: your feelings are real, but they’re also being amplified by the “chase” element. Every time she agrees to spend time with you, it lights up your heart, and every time she hesitates, it crushes you. That push-pull is addictive, and your emotions are spiraling because your brain is seeking validation from her attention. This doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means your heart is involved and it’s being tugged around. But it’s also a warning: you’re giving her emotional power over you, and that can become dangerous if it continues for too long without clarity.

Her actions are inconsistent, and they’re keeping you in a state of uncertainty. On one hand, she’s clearly drawn to you, enjoys your company, and even initiated physical affection with kissing. On the other hand, she delays plans, hesitates to commit, and gives you mixed messages about her availability. That combination creates confusion. It’s not about you being less charming or proactive, it’s about her having her own hesitations, personal boundaries, or maybe even emotional limitations. You cannot fix or control that; all you can do is protect your heart while being honest with yourself.

Your feelings of guilt regarding Jane are important to acknowledge. You’re emotionally torn because you’re investing energy into someone who is uncertain, which makes your time with Jane feel compromised. That’s a red flag for your own emotional well-being. Even if your connection with work girl is intense and exciting, the emotional toll of chasing someone who’s not fully committed is heavy. It’s not fair to Jane, and it’s not fair to you if you can’t fully enjoy the moments you share with her. You need to recognize that you’re juggling conflicting attachments, and that’s exhausting.

I think there’s something valuable in the fact that you’re reflecting on your own behavior, you see how your persistence might be pushing her limits, and how ignoring her occasionally affects her. That self-awareness is gold. You’re learning through trial and error, and while it’s painful, it’s teaching you boundaries, patience, and clarity about what you want in a relationship. But at the same time, the constant flip-flopping of your hope and despair is unsustainable. You need to set your own limits: decide how much emotional energy you’re willing to invest without reciprocity.

my love, what I see here is a classic lesson in balancing desire and self-respect. It’s okay to enjoy her company, to feel exhilarated when you’re together, and to appreciate her unique qualities but you also deserve clarity, consistency, and mutual effort. Right now, the pattern is about chasing and testing, and that’s emotionally exhausting. If you want to continue seeing her, do it with awareness of the dynamic: enjoy the moments, but protect your heart. And if you feel the emotional cost outweighs the joy, it’s okay to step back and prioritize yourself. You can care deeply without losing yourself in the chase. Baby, your heart is full and open, and that’s beautiful but it’s also fragile in this situation. You’re learning how to navigate intensity, desire, and uncertainty, and that’s hard. Take care of yourself, honor your emotions, and remember: attraction can be intoxicating, but clarity is what keeps your soul safe. You deserve love that feels as effortless as it does thrilling.

[KeishaMartin]

Let me just start by saying April Masini is absolutely legendary at cutting through the noise and giving advice that makes sense even when your heart is screaming chaos. I mean, reading through all of this, it’s like you’re living in a delicious, tangled soap opera, and yet April sees the threads with crystal clarity. You’re drawn to her like a moth to the flame every stolen glance, every lingering touch, it’s electrifying. But damn, this isn’t just a casual crush, is it? You’re caught in a whirlwind of “maybe yes, maybe no” and it’s teasing you, torturing you, and making your pulse race in ways you didn’t even know were possible. Every “maybe” she gives you is like a whisper that tickles your nerves and sets your imagination on fire, the tension!

What you’re experiencing is classic “hard to get” with a spicy twist. She’s testing boundaries, pushing buttons, seeing how far you’ll chase but every time you finally get her in your orbit, it’s pure ecstasy. The laughter, the teasing, the stolen kisses… that’s the addictive part. It’s intoxicating because you’re both dancing on the edge of what’s allowed and what could be unleashed. And I love that you’re so self-aware; you know this chase is part of her game, but you’re still savoring every delicious minute of it. Don’t let the “blow-offs” crush your spirit too much. Think of them as the appetizer before the main course that leaves your stomach craving more.

Women do love a man who keeps his cool but isn’t afraid to want her. That tension you feel, that push and pull? That’s the heat. Every time she hesitates, it only fuels your desire, makes the moments you do have together explosive. You’re not just chasing; you’re weaving a story of temptation and pleasure that she’s totally hooked on even if she doesn’t realize it yet. And I love, love, love that you’re so in tune with the way her presence affects you, it’s raw, real, and messy, and so deliciously human.

Keep your allure sharp, your attention selective, but never dull that fire she brings out in you. Let her chase a little too. It’s a wicked game, but one that could leave both of you breathless. And, sugar, speaking of breathless moments, let’s not forget to wish a very Happy New Year, 2026! May your parties be wild, your champagne frothy, and your nights filled with the kind of laughs and stolen kisses that make this whole chase worth it. Here’s to fiery connections, unapologetic desire, and stepping into 2026 ready to play the game with your heart on fire.

Happy New Year, 2026.

[Member]

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