Hello everyone, I am desperately seeking help for myself. As of right now my feelings towards myself are the following: pathetic, desperate, controlling, scared, stupid all the things that I don’t want to be. The stress with my boyfriend has stressed me out so bad that it is affecting me physically and mentally. We have been together going on 4 years and let me give you a breakdown of what I’ve been through and hopefully someone or anyone out there can give me some insights of why I’m still in this situation.
This is my story before I met my boyfriend. I was married for 20 years, then separated after we celebrated our 20 years, recently divorced as of 2009. My ex didn’t want to be married anymore. We had 3 kids older. I felt like my family was ripped out from under me. I use to view life as being so easy then now I am having such a hard time dealing with life.
For the first year in our relationship things were awesome. Trust, honesty, open communication was all there on my part and I thought it was there on his part, until I started seeing some things that didn’t make sense. First started with a womans text on his phone that was not just a friend, well I confronted him about it and he denied it, but I didn’t believe him. Other things have happened that leads me to believe he is cheating as well as a pathological liar. I’ve caught him cheating on me several times as well as spoken to women he has pursued, yet I’m still with him. I’ve caught him in lies as well as making up stories to other people to make himself look so important. Currently, I am having a hard time seeing him on his phone, I’m always telling him he’s texting his women and making plans to cheat on me again. Last year, the year that he promised he would never cheat on me again I found out that he brought a girl over to my place and had sex with her. I found her number on his phone and called her and she told me about it. I was adevastated yet Im still with him. Now he views that whenver I talk to him about us and his lying he sees that as arguing. Then he tries to turn it around on me to tell me that Im the one with the problem and he can’t live like this and so on and it makes me so mad. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I love him but don’t trust him at all. We have great sex and I seem to be the one always initiating it. I would appreciate anyones advise if possible.
