[IndigoLove]

I am in my late 20’s with no children and with a pretty good career. I have been dealing with a man 15 years older than me for more than 5 years. I started dating him after I broke up with my first boyfriend. We have never put a title on our relationship and we are not committed to each other because he believes that I need to finish school (I’m in my last year now), and achieve some other goals. For the last year or so I have wanted more from our relationship b/c I want kids and to get married one day. He says that I am the one but he is hurt from past relationships. He has a teenage son and it the beginning he didn’t really want more kids, but the more I talk about wanting kids he now tells me he doesn’t mind having one. To make matters worse we both see other people but I will not let anyone get close to me because I want to be with him. Recently I went to visit him only to find him there with another woman. The situation got ugly between him and the young lady to point that he had to call the police, but he tells me she means nothing and cannot compare to me.
I recently decided that I am ready for a serious relationship with someone and I wanted it to be him. He gave me the same old speech he’s been giving me over 3 years about how he has experienced so much more than me and if we move to the next level I may not finish school and I wont travel like I want 2. I told him that I want more be it with or without him. I believe that he loves me but because of his past circumstance he will not give me the love I want. I told him that we should just focus on being friends and he became a little upset. He feels like he has my best interest by not tying me down with a relationship and letting me free, but I don’t want to be free and date several people at a time, I feel like that’s what he wants.
I stressed to him that I don’t want to pressure him into a serious committed relationship so I think we should focus on being friends and have a platonic relationship, because my feeling were not going to change. He was little upset but agreed. He sent me a message saying we can talk when necessary; he still loves and cares for me, but to keep it platonic we shouldn’t see each other. Now I feel like I just loss my friend and he is the closest to family I have here since my family moved 9 hours away.
Did I make the right decision by demanding that we just be friends if we are not going to serious about each other since it was going on 6 years?

[kai]

Hey IndigoLove, I’ve told this to several other people who have posted questions here: the welcome area [b]IS NOT for questions[/b] and [u]should not[/u] be used to get advice. 😮 it says “DO NOT post your questions” here, when you go to sign up. 😳

Please [b]repost your question in the Q & A Relationship Advice Forum[/b] .

[color=#FF0000]you won’t get a response to your question here[/color] — this is the welcome area. 😀

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[Sally]

Six years is a long time to stay in something that never fully chose you. I believe he cares about you. I even believe he loves you in his own way. But love that keeps you waiting, explaining, and shrinking your needs isn’t the kind that builds a life. He’s been saying the same thing for years, and that’s not fear talking anymore. That’s a decision.

You weren’t wrong for wanting marriage, kids, or commitment. Those aren’t pressure. Those are normal wants. And it’s not fair that you were staying emotionally loyal while he kept his options open. That slowly eats at you, even if you don’t notice it at first.

Being “friends” when your heart wants more usually just keeps the wound open. Stepping back wasn’t punishment. It was self-respect.
Losing him as your

[Member]

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