[Anonymous]

I am a 65 year old male working as a scientist in a prestigious institute. I have 2 kids who are married and settled abroad. I live alone in my house and do not socialise much. Two years back, I happened to meet a woman who is married and in the same research field as that of mine. I instantly fell in love with her. She is very good looking and hails from a respectable family. I divorced 15 years ago and have had 8 or 9 serious relates since then.After sometime, I invariably loose interest and move on. All my previous relates proved easy as they all were willing for anything. But, this woman whom I met 2and a half years back is very different. I do not even know her house address and she gave me her land line only 6 months back. I had her mobile number and sent her a few messages, professional ones in the beginning and within 2 weeks, I ended up proposing to her. She naturally declined and made it very clear that she is unable to leave her family. She has not discussed anything about her family so far but, I gather from other sources that she and her husband are married for the last 23 years and because both are employed in two different cities , meet onlyonce in 6 months or so . She has not told me anything but, I came to know that they have hardly stayed together . Since her daughter took up an employment abroad two years back, she lives a lonely life. When I confessed my love for her, she tried to stay silent for weeks together without answering my phone calls or mails but, I persisted. And she slowly started to respond. She is very conservative in matters of love but initially had confessed once that she also fell madly in love with me but, cannot proceed any further. She and I are living miles apart and the only means of communication is phone. She couldnot bring herself to talk to me over telephone in the beginning and it took almost two years to get her to talk !. Though we had met 5 or 6 times in various professional forums, she and I never had any sex though we had occasions to. We went to the beach twice but, she never let me go beyond a kiss on her palm and one in her cheek. She feels terribly guilty for cheating her family and was almost on the verge of mental breakdown. Even now , she says that she she can neither come with me, nor can forget me. She has also made it very clear right from the beginning that she will not faorsake her family, especially her daughter. We both know that we cannot live together but, cannot help fatally attracted to each other. I am not at all good looking and have had heart attacks twice and had also undergone heart surgery once. I also do not have a good reputation as I had moved with other women publicly, after my divorce. I have told her everything but, she had internalsised all my faults and still loves me not withstanding the fact that she can never come with me. She also feels that even if we live together, the love will be lost sooner or later as we both might get fed up with stability and status quo. We have perfect understanding of each other and are desperately in love with each other. We have reached a point where we cannot move forward any further and the acuteness is somewhat missing as we both know that we have reached some sort of a stalemate. We both feel completely distracted when we are not in communication but at the same time, feel the futility of it as we cannot live together or even meet each other freely. She is 15 years younger to me and very pretty. She he once told me that even if we had a chance to live together , she will not opt for that because our love will be lost once we are together. And she wanted to preserve it as such. It is true that I get bored easily. She also confessed that she might feel bored once we reach stability and the challenges are removed. However, we both suffer now and the agony of separation is acute. In an attempt to find a solution, we both have decided to stay away from each other for some time. I have had many relates across the globe but, have never felt such intense emotions for any one before. I also feel that she is the only woman I truly loved. There will not be any other woman in my life. She also feels the same way for me . We both feel terribly depressed and do not know how to proceed. Please advice what we both should do. Should we part or decide to live together or continue the same way?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your question doesn’t quite jive with your reportage. 😕 [i]“Should we part or live together or continue the same way?”[/i] is what you asked. Well, you seem to have told me she won’t live with you, so that’s out of the question.

I think the real choice here is do you carry on as you have been with this tortured and romantic love, or part ways in the hopes of finding someone who will give you a complete commitment. Let me know if you agree with that.

Given those choices, I think that you’d probably like to carry on as you are. You get bored easily and you go through women pretty rapidly, if I read you correctly. Part of the allure is the mystery of this woman. You don’t really know her all that well and that’s keeping you in the game. I bet that if you did spend time with her, have sex with her and get to know her as a real woman, you’d get bored with her, too.

It seems like you have nothing to lose by keeping in contact with her and trying to win her over. You may just do exactly that! She certainly seems vulnerable and conflicted, but not really in an unhealthy way.

I think you should go for it and try to make her yours.

I hope that helps. Please join me on Facebook. I’d love to see you as my guest there. Here’s the link to join up: [url][/url].

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