[crescentmoon12321]

This is kind of a long story, and I have no idea where to start so please bear with me.

Okay, so I’ve fallen for my friend, Ava.

We’re both girls, and we go to the same college. She is currently the only one who knows that I like girls, and I’m one of few who know that she likes girls. She was kind of dating this one girl, but now I honestly have no idea the seriousness of their relationship. I know the girl was her first kiss (from another girl, Ava’s kissed plenty of men) and it was only a few short months ago, but lately, they haven’t been holding hands ever, and they barely talk now.

Anyway, now I’ve fallen for her. Usually, I’d go to my best friend, Emily, for council, but that is currently not an option because I’m not out of the closet. I’m wondering, should I make a move? Should I kiss her? She’s shy so I doubt she would make a move. My best friend (mentioned earlier) suspects that Ava is gay, and mentioned that she believes that Ava has a crush on me.

Should I risk our friendship by making a move? What if she doesn’t like me? Honestly, I get vibes from her that she does like me but maybe I’m just misreading what she says/does. Should I try to hint that I’m into her? How would I even do that?

Should I outright tell her that I like her? Should I write her a note? Please help me, I have no idea what to do in this situation and I have no one to turn to for advice.

What if she’s not into me? What if it ruins our friendship?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Okay, here’s the deal. Your friendship is already not a friendship — it’s something else. When romance and sexual feelings come into play, you’re beyond friendship. So, you’re trying to save a friendship that no longer exists. You’re not friends any more. You’re romantically inclined. It’s different. And because you’re romantically inclined, you’re now facing the possibility of rejection! Friendship doesn’t really have rejection the way romance does. Whenever you ask someone out on a date, make a move to kiss them — or more — you face possible rejection, and that’s scary because it means possibly being shut out. You’re trying to avoid the discomfort of possible rejection — and at the same time, to forge a romance. It doesn’t work that way! Rejection is always a possibility and it’s part of life. Nobody every died from rejection, but it doesn’t feel good when it happens. That said, rejection is a whole lot better than lost opportunities that you never take because you let your fears win out.

Hopefully, that will explain some of what you’re feeling.

As for what to do next, I think you should invite her out on a date. Ask her to get coffee with you one evening and talk to her and get to know her. Draw her out on the topic of her sexual preferences and talk to her about yours. This will give you a better idea of where she’s coming from and what you should and shouldn’t do next. It’s a lot easier to make a move on someone you know may be receptive, than it is on someone who isn’t really into your gender. 😉

And if rejection comes, don’t worry — you learned something. And you can stop wasting time on someone who’s not into you. Of course if you aren’t rejected and she likes you, then it was all worth it! 🙂

[Member]

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