[ConfusedCyndi]

Dear, April
I’m 20 and so is he. I met him at a concert and we talked for only 20 minutes before exchanging contact details. Problem is, I live on the other side of the country. We talk almost every day online and my feelings for him grew stronger. He called me a few months ago and said he felt the same way but didn’t want to pursue a long distance relationship because we didn’t have the time or money. We agreed that we’d just see how things work out and if in 2 years times when we’ve graduated from university, we might try and make it work. We still talk all the time as if nothing happened but I’m finding it difficult to continue to talk to him feeling this way but at the same time, I treasure our friendship way too much to break all contact. I’ve never felt this way about someone before so my question is, do I wait for him even though he hasn’t given me a clear, definitive answer on whether this could work or not, or do I try and move on?

I should also mention that neither of us have been in a proper relationship before. What should I do?

Sincerely,
ConfusedCyndi

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, I know this is going to sound wrong, but you’re not friends. This is not a friendship. It’s a romance. That’s why you’re having trouble letting go. If you can recognize that this is a romance, you’ll be better able to deal with it. Friendship and romance are two different things. Second, although the two of you have strong feelings for each other, he’s made it very clear that because he doesn’t have the resources to date you across country, he doesn’t want to pursue this. He’s being very mature in this decision. I think you should really honor it. And since you’re both in college, you should focus your energy on people who are at your campus, available to date. It’s too easy to avoid what is an important time your life to date, by holding onto someone who’s unavailable. 😳 I know you really like this crush, but I think you should move on.

[ConfusedCyndi]

[quote=”April Masini”]First of all, I know this is going to sound wrong, but you’re not friends. This is not a friendship. It’s a romance. That’s why you’re having trouble letting go. If you can recognize that this is a romance, you’ll be better able to deal with it. Friendship and romance are two different things. Second, although the two of you have strong feelings for each other, he’s made it very clear that because he doesn’t have the resources to date you across country, he doesn’t want to pursue this. He’s being very mature in this decision. I think you should really honor it. And since you’re both in college, you should focus your energy on people who are at your campus, available to date. It’s too easy to avoid what is an important time your life to date, by holding onto someone who’s unavailable. 😳 I know you really like this crush, but I think you should move on.[/quote]

Hi April,

Thank you for the fast reply! I guess I’m just feeling confused because I think he’s kinda sending me mixed signals. He said he was planning on flying over for my 21st at the end of this year which I think is a huge deal considering one of the reasons we weren’t doing this LDR was because of the distance… Any advice on how to try and move on?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If you want to see him at the end of the year, that’s fine. But it doesn’t really change things.

[Member]

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