[stretch50]

Hello, i been in this relationship going on 3 yrs and living together at that. The woman says she loves me, but i can’t feel it nor see it. She barely ever touches me on any occasion. Never know when she wants sex, she shows no emotions on that part either. Always home with me, we go places together, but do not show any feelings. I feel that i want out, but its hard to do right now, she has no place to go with her child. ITs driving me nuts because i feel i am just wasting my time. I can’t leave because its my house. I have talked about things sooo many times and she still says she wants to work on us, but do not even try. I get tired of talking about the same things over and over again with her. Why some women can’t love? or afraid to love? If thats the case. I told her if its me, then leave, but she says its not. At times i feel she wants me to accept her as she is, her ways and all. This is not my kind of relationship. I enjoy affection from a woman and also loves to show it. But when i am not getting it back, its a bad feeling. Seems like every month or less i have to bring the subject up with her because i want answers and the truth. I am lost, any advice would be appreciated. Thank you…….

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re not lost. You know exactly where you are, but you don’t like what you have to do. 🙁 It’s clear that this woman is not right for you, and that you want to move on, but you’re not breaking up with her because you feel cruel asking her and her daughter to leave your house because you think she has nowhere else to go. 😳 Now, it’s time to look at the big picture. 😉 You have to break up with her because that’s [i]the right thing[/i] for you — and for her. Giving her shelter, at the expense of your becoming trapped (you can’t find Ms. Right if you have Ms. Wrong living with you) and her becoming stuck (she can’t move on in her personal journey, or her relationship journey if she’s trapped in your house, either). It’s also not right to have her child thinking this relationship is normal. In fact, it’s better for the child to see her mother overcoming problems — even if the problem has to do with where they’re going to live. Problem solving is a huge skill and tool in life and if this child sees her mother dealing with problems and overcoming them, that’s a big parenting gift.

I’m not suggesting you throw her things out on the street, but you have to ask her to leave and give her a deadline. She can move in with a relative, a friend, or even her child’s father. She can get a roommate or stay in a shelter for indigent single mothers. You can help her out by helping her move, giving her a moving stipend or even a housewarming gift for her new place, but by enabling her behavior and promoting your own misery, you’re not doing anyone any favors.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[stretch50]

Thank you so much. And i must say u are right as well. I had a talk with her yesterday morning and all she does is listen and has nothing to say, but just sit there. Its like talking to a teen or something. I can tell she is immature at age 50. She feels that if she has told me once that she loves me, she does not have to repeat it anymore . I’m dealing with a woman who wants to remain in this relationship for the wrong reasons. and i told her that as well. I don’t want a woman who just want security. A few years ago when we was dicussing things she told me that maybe she don’t know how to love. IF i don’t show any excitement in this house, it will be none at all. ITs like she wants me to take the lead on everything when it comes to love and love making. Yes i do know what i need to do and i have even gave her the chance to leave, with saying to her, ” if you don’t want this then go” ” but don’t put my life on hold” still again she has nothing to say. I also told her that if this is who you are , then i don’t want us. I have never met or lived with a woman like this , who do not want to show love. I know growing up she didn’t see love in her household as she says. When i told her that i do not feel her love and i’m not really sure of her love, this woman has nothing to say about that at all. She says there is no one else, no need to have anyone else.I see alot of pride in her, i really do. Its like she don’t have to prove a thing. Her pass relationships was based on the man showing and giving the love, thats what she told me a few years ago is that she never had to show anything. This woman wants me to really accept her as she is and don’t care about how i feel. So again i know its gonna be hard, but i have to put her out my house somehow. I’m a disable vet who can’t work due to my disabilities and dealing all this is not helping. She lost her son back in Feb this year who was living with us and i can truly say i don’t know if that bothers her, because of the way she acts and treated him at times for no reasons. I loved him like he was my child. I know this has to end, when it will is up to me i know. Because i know what kind of relationship i want and love has to be in it along with everything else thats apart of love. Again i thank you so much for your advice.. Victor

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome. I’m glad I could help. 😀

I know this is hard but you have to do it — and I hear you making excuses and distracting yourself from your goal. 😳 Until you end this chapter you can’t start the next one, and the next one WILL have a warm, loving woman who wants to devote herself to you as you do to her, in it. Write me again when you’ve started your new life. 😉

[Member]

Posts