[beachxgirl718]

me and this guy met on a cruise. we had sex twice. on the cruise he called me his girlfriend, and if I lived in maryland he said that I would be his girlfriend. after the cruise he contacted me right away. after awhile he wasn’t contacting me so I wrote him a message basically saying that if he doesn’t write back, he doesn’t want any part of me..and he wrote back. between the cruise and college we saw each other twice, once the surprise visit, and the other time we hung out and talked the entire time..no sex. after that visit, he texted me right after saying “thanks for coming..cant wait to see you again”..i told him I was glad that we got to talk and he said “i would never use you” later on I said I was going to bed and I told him to have fun and he said “all my fun left at 12″…which is when I left. two days later he texts me and were talking about him coming to ny to visit me and we could go to the city..and he said “way rather see you then the city”..the third time we were supposed to hang out , he messed up plans…and I was down near where he lived and was staying at a hotel. he called me and got a cab and told me he was coming to see me..and it doesn’t matter how much it costs he just wanted to see me..but I told him he messed up plans in the first place, and it was too late so there was no point in coming. 5 days later, he called me and apologized for when he messed up plans. he said “lets keep this long distance relationship going”. this past august, I came to college near where he lives, a whole year since the cruise. we had kept in contact for one year..and now were 15 minutes away. we’ve hung out 6 times since I’ve been here. the first time he just stopped by with his friend and his friend said that the guy I like wanted to see his girl..meaning me. we didn’t have sex, we just talked. he texted me after the visit and said it was nice seeing you tonight. I told him I was sorry he didn’t stay longer and he said he would have loved to, but he didn’t want my suitemates to hate him for being there so late when we have classes the next day. and he said “just wanted to see you.” the second time he came to visit he came to lay with me. we layed together and talked the whole time, and then did stuff, but no sex. I asked him why things happen sexually between us and he said because I like you and you like me. and I said as more than a friend?and he was like..yeah I like you as more than a friend. the next time we hung out we just layed and talked with eachother..no sex. the 4th time we layed together and talked again..no sex. the 5th time we hung out..we actually did have sex..and it was real intimate, and he went and slept on the couch after? which he’s NEVER done before. and then the next time we hung out he was acting really strange and I asked if he liked me and he said “of course I do, its obvious I do, I just don’t want a gf”

does he have any feelings for me? or is he using me for sex?

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum

[AskApril Masini]

Let me know how things are going for you? 😉

[Sally]

He does have feelings for you. You’re not imagining that. His actions show attachment, comfort, and care. He likes seeing you, talking to you, lying with you, and keeping you in his life. That part is real.

But and this is the part that matters most he is also being very clear about his limit. When he said “I don’t want a girlfriend,” believe that. It doesn’t cancel out his feelings. It just means he wants the connection without the responsibility, commitment, or expectations that come with being your boyfriend.

Sleeping on the couch after sex, pulling back after intimacy, and acting strange afterward are signs of emotional conflict, not love moving forward. He enjoys you, but he’s protecting his freedom.

He’s not using you only for sex. But he is benefiting from closeness on his terms. And that usually ends up hurting the person who wants more.
The real question isn’t what he feels. It’s whether what he’s offering is enough for you.

[Member]

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