[penguin]

should I keep hoping…

I struggle with relationships because I never seem to be in a real one.. I feel finally good about something, but I’m scared
A) that it will happen again
B) its something to do with me, that’s why I can never be in a real committed relationship.

I’ve been very good, trying to follow all the rules recently. Things seem to be going well, but I’m afraid i f*cked up day one… literally…. I know its bad to have sex the first encounter… but does that make things hopeless?? Things seem to be on a good path, we hung out all day after that, went to the fair, he held my hand all around the grounds, ran into people he knew. He pays for everything, even when I try to. I’ve slept over and hung out and not had sex too, so its not about just that.
He seems plenty attracted and interested, we connected quick too. He seems genuine and he’s affectionate. I mentioned after a bit that I was sad we did it the first night, afraid it would ruin everything, and told him right up I didn’t want to be used for sex. I made sure he knew I wasn’t demanding a relationship but gave him the analogy. “I just want to be on the road that’s going to the right destination, whether we get there or not, I just want to be on that one instead of the dead end road.” He wrote “were on the same road 🙂 “

Problem is: I’ve been broken so many times before and its hard to not accuse and always think the best, I’m keeping it in and not trying to be crazy about it, but I’m soooo use to disappointment, I’m so afraid. I finally feel there could be something, and i havent for so long…. But i just don’t know how to find out. I’ve never had a commitment, always just friends, friends with benefits, or some sort of dating but no labels, etc… I want the real thing, its time. But is there a chance…. I really wanted to double date with my best friend, but he didn’t want to, said he hates meeting new people and is anti social. He doesn’t seem to be from what i see, but he is independent. I’m afraid this is a sign though.. I asked, “even for my birthday?”, he said “probably not, maybe in the future”
I had a week moment, feeling hurt and used (thinking he’s lying) but he said “I’d do dinner with just you” and i said, “why so people dont think your with me” this confused him and i told him, I just dont want to be used, that fine if you don’t want meet new people right away, just dont lie to me or lead me on.” He told me he’s not leading me on…

where do i stand in this, Im trying to stay cool, but i just wanted to be treated right, and i want this to be something…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s good that you know your personal challenge — but the hard part is to overcome it. 😉 That’s what you’ve got to do in order to be able to be in a relationship.

Instead of hoping things will work out, you have to be a little cooler and watch and learn if someone is compatible with you or not. If they’re not, it’s a waste of both your time to stay in something that isn’t going to work. When you sleep with someone right away, you don’t have a clear view of who that person is and you’re invested in them, as a woman, and you start hoping and trying to make things work that if you hadn’t gotten sexually invested right away, you would have been more even handed in judging and deciding.

Right now, you’re chasing this guy — a move that guarantees things won’t work out. You shouldn’t be pushing him to meet your best friend or double date. Instead, wait and see if he asks you set up a double date. If he does, he’s interested. If he doesn’t, he isn’t. And don’t chase him, begging for a birthday date. 🙄 Again, you’re throwing yourself at him and acting needy — neither of which are attractive to guys. It takes the opportunity from the guy to chase you, away from him, and guys love chasing women they want — and when they do, you’ll know he’s interested in you.

So, my advice is to back off and let him do the chasing. If he doesn’t, move on. If he does, then pick up Think & Date Like A Man, and read it right away (read it anyway! 😆 ) so you have a skill set at your fingertips. Here’s the link for the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

Hope that helps! 😀

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[penguin]

Thank you 🙂 just what I needed

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Great! You’re welcome. 😀

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